These Are a Few of My Favorite (and Least Favorite) Things

(Girl) - "...Usually when things has gone this far

People tend to disappear

No one will surprise me unless you do"

(Boy) - "I can tell there's something goin' on

Hours seems to disappear

Everyone is leaving I'm still with you..."

- Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and Jon

A few things I like:

- The smell of Sharpies

- Street smart people.

A few things I hate:

- The smell of freshly cut grass

- Stubbing my toe (makes me more legitimately angry than any human can make me)

A few things that scare me:

- Bees. Absolutely terrified. It's out of hand.

- The Grimlins & Chucky.

A few things that make me laugh:

- AFV is always embarrassing to watch with anyone else in the room, due to the intensity of my laughter during the show. I used to go up to Starbucks and just watch 10 minute videos of all the clips from a single episode condensed. I've seen over 100; my friends started telling me to stop looking at them. I know addiction to pills is bad for you, but they DO say laughter is the best medicine!..... Oh, Lordy.* And that joke didn't even really work either.**

- Whoopie cushions/potty humor/slap stick humor - I'm just a big child

*embarrassing

**embarrassing 2x

The attorney that I work for was born today some odd years ago. I brought a Cinnamon Sock-It-To-Me cake and sent out a laughable mass e-mail something like, "Join us in DP for some cake to celebrate the wonder of _____’s life!".... I'm pretty sure that's not what the e-mail said. But the truth is.... I have a serious problem with mass serving- with eating in front of people, making people's plates, etc. I really hate having to perform any public action dealing with food where attention could be called to myself.... I realize that makes me kinda crazy. But then again, I don't really see it as something worth working on changing- I'd be fine never serving cake for the rest of my life. I'm a total pro at making drinks for people, so it works out.*

*Sarcasm. I mean, I'd like to think I can make a good drink, but really I'm just making fun of myself for talking about so much dumb stuff, when I could be talking about like world peace or AIDS... I'm so serious all of the time. And yes, it IS hard being me.

And finally, feel the passion... Smell the leather.

The Poker Man

Ooooooh, this song is going to be good.....

"They say that you never know what you've got til it's already gone
But you're just the man to fold the winning hand...
I beg and I plead, but to no avail
So I deny everything, then I scream 'cuz I want you to yell
If steady won the race, I should've lost to you by now.
But I don't ask you to stay, you don't ask me to go.
I can't help but hope that this is 'taking it slow'
I hope that you lie.
I hope you still think of me too all of the time."

Hope you don't give me away.

X&Y - Random Complaints

My favorite Coldplay album.

Today is bluh.

Also, I've had a headache all day, as well as sore eyes.

If I have to hear some white boy sing "Guess who's coming to DINNAAAA" again...

I hate games.

Sorry for all of the negativity. I'll be better next time.

Smorgasbord

Too busy today to post anything other thannnnn.......

THE ORIGINAL CHARLOTTE'S WEB SOUNDTRACK IS FOREVER LOST - how sad. :(

I can't find it anywhere on iTunes or anywhere else. Instead they have some soundtrack with Dakota Fanning. Nothing against Dakota, but I just want to hear the original Zucherman's Famous Pig and Templeton's bingeing song whenever I'd like. Is that so much to ask? AND they only post Spanish clips of the movie online. It's just creepy. :(

Woman Like Me

Lovely sigh..... Good day, good day. :) Sometimes things are just dandy. :) "The Password" and "Woman Like Me" by Paleo. Hear it.

I just spent the last hour watching dub step videos. I would stick a fork in my leg to be able to dance like that. I actually just thought about it, and I know I would.

There's some show at Dalzell (a house venue in the area where I live in Skrevepawt) tonight; it's supposed to be some accordian player from San Francisco. Best BELIEVE I'll be there. I LOVE accordian, because it reminds me of Cajun and Celtic music. I have this weird connection with it - I love the music; I feel it. Tin whistle was the only instrument that I picked up and automatically knew how to play. It just worked. When I was little, I used to play it in church when all of those Baptist churches went through the Celtic crazed stage- you know that "Days of Elijah"/"Revival at Belfast" bull shniz. Anywho, I remember my worship minister making some comment on how I had freckles and played tin whistle and how I MUST be from Ireland. I do have some Irish in me and so of course, I was totally flattered and took great pride in the fact that I could play "my people's" music or something. Haha But I do still enjoy it a lot. :)

And of course, the next logical step in my though process would be that I AM A CHAMP AT ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL ANYTIME YOU WANT!!!!!

^^^^^^Sometimes you feel like no one cares what you're going through... and sometimes... you're right.^^^^^^

Maybe

Untitled, a photo by Aëla Labbé on Flickr.

Over the past two years, I have had a great many heartbreaking experiences happen. I've reeled emotionally, and the only way that I could get that to stop was to not think about it. Any time I thought something that would cause me to get involved past a certain point, either emotionally or mentally, I would shut that thought process off. Not think about it. I think it's best for me at this point to go on and get something I've been thinking about out of my system. Keep in mind that this is TOTALLY out of my comfort zone and completely uncomfortable and vulnerable for me. But also, this blog was a journal before anyone used to read it. This is more for me than entertainment purposes. I've always had to write out my frustrations and thoughts versus speaking them.

Sometimes I try to act like things are not a big deal to me, and they're not sometimes! But deep down, I'm still a girl. Deep down, I'm still a hopeless romantic. Deep down, I still want to feel what I imagined as a little girl. So here is what I have written.

Everyone's growing up. Finding love. Getting married. Having babies. Sometimes those last two or three are reversed. Sometimes the first happens because the last did. And the weirdest part of it is that, at the same time that it feels as if this age is too young for all of that to happen, it also feels.... quite normal. It is so sad and beautiful to watch. Makes me feel like I missed something I was supposed to learn- like what to say when you love someone, or how to love someone, how to treat him like a man. How to be a lady. While I was supposed to be learning to clean and cook, I was writing words down and hiding in the woods, playing orphans and Nazi's, playing Indians. And I wouldn't trade any of it. I wish..... I don't know what I want. But I watch the earth and I try to learn something. I just want to sit down, soak in everything, really enjoy the view. It's not the "being forgotten" that scares me as much as that I may wake up one day, old and gray, and realize that I really did want all of those things I saw happen all around me - love, children, my own stove, a teammate, heart surges and goosebumps, pictures of my own family on my dresser, a love holding my hand, little feet that look like both mine and my best friend's. I'm afraid that in my pursuit for really experiencing life itself and seeing the beauty in the world, I will suddenly wake up and realize that..... I missed my chance. I'm not brave. I'm shy. Sometimes, I wish that someone would break through that wall I've built up. Because I'm not strong. Sometimes I would like to think that I was worth the fight. And that you didn't regret it. That I was worth spending time with and really getting to know. I both love and despise the girl that I am - the girl that is best friends with guys, hates girls, turns everything into a competition, etc. I enjoy all of these things (some of which are regrettable, I admit), but also, I want to believe that you still think that I'm small, that I'm still something to be protected and loved, not just the girl that skinnydips or likes to take turns driving on roadtrips. Sometimes I just want you to say that it's something worth trying- that you noticed me when I wasn't forward, that you noticed me even though I was shy and found it hard to open up. These past few years for me have been something I would never wish on anyone, but I haven't given up hope. You could still be out there. Maybe someday you'll say something, and it will be perfect. .... Maybe so....

Embarrassing Confessions

So I would like to dedicate this post to awkward confessions.

1. First of all, I was a massive fan of one of the members of the "Magnificent Seven" of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, Dominique Moceanu. I was seven that year and I went CRAZY watching every bit of gymnastics that I could find on TV, day or night. Me and my sister, Brooke, helped make gymnastics all the rage in our friend group. Dominique Moceanu was our idol; she was so small, powerful and beautiful, and I wanted to be JUST like her. I had a book with pictures of her as a kid and pictures from all of her competitions... A couple more things- notice her wrist guards in the first picture. Well, me and my sister didn't have any of those, but we DID have rollerblading wrist guards! So we'd wear those and put sidewalk chalk all over our hands so we could do flips in the yard and look like professionals. Also, notice the position of her hands (something similar to "jazz hands") in the second picture- yeah, I perfected that- the dismount hands. What of it? Anyway, me and my sister got to meet her one time; we bought shirts with her on them and she signed her autograph. I don't know where my shirt is anymore, but it was my most prized possession for quite a few years.

2. Secondly.... I was also a fan of pair figure skaters Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. My grandpa knew that me and my sister, Brooke, were crazy about the Olympics and any type of sport that we most likely had no chance in ever doing. Sooo, he noticed some documentary called, "My Sergei" coming on TV one day about this Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. Well, he recorded it for us; and we got hooked. They were individual ice skaters that got paired up at 10 and 14 and started competing as pair skaters. Well, as the story goes, they fall in love and get married after years of skating together, they have a child, and then Sergei drops dead on the ice at 28 after he had a very serious heart attack. Such a sad story. But me and Brooke were hooked. "My Sergei" was sort of like a documentary- there would be clips of their competitions, clips of their home videos, pictures, recent clips of Ekaterina speaking regarding Sergei's death, etc. Me and Brooke would watch it religiously- we wore out the tape - and we would cry our eyes out every time and then immediately go roller skate in our driveway to classical music or jazz that we had recorded on tapes off of Encarta. Here was my favorite competition that they did when I was little.

3. I had THE biggest crush on the kid from Summer of the Monkeys. I remember thinking that it was cool that he was really adventurous and passionate (and henceforth, sometimes had a temper), but was so kind to his little sister. Haha I thought he was brave, absolutely beautiful and darn sexy while playing with all those monkeys.

4. I would put on sad classical music and try to make myself cry, just to practice my acting skills. After I mastered this, I would stare at myself in the mirror and have back-and-forth conversations, while I was playing two different characters. It was the best when they'd get into an argument. It entertained me, at least.

5. .... I still sometimes do #4.

And there you have it- some embarrassing confessions I'm not sure if I've ever told anyone.