Encouragement for Creative Moms

You know. It's easy to be tired.  It's easy to go to bed early and not do the things that you think you want to do.  It's easy to find inspiration during the day and then say you will work on that inspiration tomorrow.

 

I feel like I'm losing momentum on art and music.  I feel like I'm getting comfortable again instead of pushing myself.  That is a feeling that I absolutely despise.  But when it is nine o'clock at night and I know I have to be up at 6:30 the following morning, it is easy to think that I should get my rest and that I will have more energy tomorrow.  But this is never true.  Momma is tired.  Momma will always be tired.  For now, anyway.

 

::CONFESSION:: I have a tendency to get really excited about things and then lose momentum and stop doing the things I was excited about.  Jumping the gun, then jumping ship.  This is what I consider to be one of my biggest closet weaknesses that I try to hide, and absolutely one of my biggest insecurities.  No one wants to be the girl that spends thousands on workout gear and then decides she'd rather stay in bed.  No one admires that girl.  No one even admires the girl that sells all of that workout gear when she realizes she's just a lazy fuck.  I'm having a really hard time not seeing myself as that right now.  I can feel the familiar "giving up" feeling, the embarrassment of that dejection starting to take hold.

 

But I admire the girl who may be slow, but stays the course.  Just because I've been slow or have been tired is not a reason to give up on the things I know I love and the things that I know I want to do.  I'm intimidated by how little I have done and how good other people are.  The amount of practice they have had is comparable to their talent and I...  Well I have chosen an early bed time and easy lunch breaks over practice.  Also, sometimes I feel like I want to do too many things for me to focus on any one single thing.  The confusion of prioritizing gets dizzying.

 

So today, on my lunch break, I am going to start on a little drawing.  I am going to start using my time a little better.  I can take my time becoming great.  But I've also got to use my time correctly in order to become great.  Sleep is overrated.  We'll all be dead soon enough.

 

Life is for living.  Life is for growing.  Life is for enjoying and not beating yourself up about things that are really quite silly.  If you want to travel, then travel!  If you want to art, then art!  If you want to music, then music!  Naps are for when you can't go on anymore.  Coffee is for the other times, if you want to continue to provide for your family AND enjoy creative, rejuvenating outlets.  In a perfect world, I could enjoy naps daily.  But this isn't a perfect world, and so I must create my own perfection.  Life is not for sleeping away feelings and fears.

 

So get those self-depreciating, self-debilitating thoughts away from you!  You've kept a blog for almost ten years--slow but continual.  You are not a notorious quitter.  Those thoughts and ideas you have of yourself are your insecurities speaking to you.  You are full of solo travel and confidence and vulnerability and adventure.  You are full of musical talents, intelligence and ideas--future and past, and most definitely present as well.  You are full of curiosity and raw, hidden talent, and PASSION in art and graphics!  You are full of potential and you are full of creative energy!  And you are also a single mom with a full-time job as well as a second job, and you are figuring out ways to balance everything.  I hate even having to separate those last two sentences, because it makes the second sentence sound like an excuse or an apology--it is not.  The separation of the two sentences is merely to avoid causing a run-on sentence.  The fact that I have to explain the separation ought demonstrate both my active membership in the Grammar Sticklers Association and my passion for empowering moms to CREATE BECAUSE YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT CRUTCHES.  THEY ARE A PART OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIFE AND YOU ARE STILL A BEAUTIFUL, CREATIVE INDIVDUAL WHO IS FULL OF POTENTIAL OUTSIDE OF YOUR MOMDOM!!! *breathing in and out, slowly and deeply*  I hope you feel enlightened.  Be patient with yourself.  You are already admirable, and you don't have to prove anything to anyone.  But do things for yourself, girl!  You a cool ass chick!

 

(Is it sad that my pep talks have to be in third person?  That I have to pretend I am looking at myself through someone else's eyes in order to offer the correct amount of encouragement and love?  That is a conversation for another day.)

 

For now, use your time to be you.  Use your time to create.  Use your time to become the person you want to be and the mother that you want to be.  They don't have to be mutually exclusive.  In fact, the harmony of the two sounds pretty damn beautiful.  You're doing great.

Single Mama Starts a Business

I started my L.L.C. today.  I started my own business.  My own invitation and graphic design company.  I have completed one Save the Date suite and have two more invitation suites on the books.  I have a website in the works with my art listed.  I'm doing the damn thing.

And then I have doubts.  I painted something for my band's show flier and I keep looking at it and thinking that maybe people feel sorry for me.  Like maybe people are thinking, "She's not very good."  Or "Did Chelsea do that?" in a bad way.  Or "I wonder how long it will take her to realize she sucks.  I feel sorry for her."  I wonder if people will not come to band's show because they don't want to support something associated with my failed art.  I realize that I am overthinking all of this.

But when it comes down to it, I've never really had anyone tell me they like my art.  I am not confident.  I don't know what I'm doing most of the time.  And there isn't really anyone saying, "If you don't pursue your art, you're crazy!"  In fact, it would be much more comfortable and convenient for me to keep working my day job that I hate and making stable income.

But I also have these daydreams of making art that appeals to me.  And maybe it appeals to other people.  And maybe it encourages other people.  And maybe even I can become a successful single mother based on my ideas and my jumping into the unknown business world with courage, drive, vulnerability, and guts.  And maybe I can learn some things along the way and provide a stable life for myself and my daughter by doing something that I never even considered myself worthy of doing.  Maybe she will see her mom as an artist and a creative.

I want to paint abstract paintings.  I want to paint detailed oil portraits. 

I want to get better.  I want to do exactly what I want, and be the stronger for it.