Dreams.

This is an old.... something... I wrote a long time ago.  I found it today and decided to post it.  It's funny how the objects of your dreams change over time.  But it's always the same feeling, no matter who the object is.

Dreams.
Something that you imagine.
Something that only you see.
It’s safe.
But in the same way, no one can rescue you.
You are alone to whatever world your mind wants to create for you.
It is solely you and whomever you imagine.
Whomever your mind wants to bring into its safe place.
If you dream of someone, were you thinking of them before?
Most likely.
What about the people that you haven’t met before in your dreams?
The “strangers” that you have in your mind that you are somehow comfortable with.
As if they’ve always been there.
Your mind creates these people.
These things.
Sometimes beautiful things, sometimes horrible.
But what about the guardians of those dreams?
The ones that are always there.
The ones that you always know will be in that safe place.
Your sister, your uncle, your friend, your lover.
… Your lover.
Your first love.
My.
First.
Love.
He won’t leave me alone and I hate it.
That he always is there.
And every day I remember him, because I just saw him- last night. In my dream.
But I greet him every time.
I love seeing him in the dream.
It’s always like it was.
We lay on a couch with a blanket.
He says the same things I grew to love.
We are friends.
And my heart is light.
And every morning, I wake up so happy…
The drop back to reality is sudden.
Not overcoming.
But sudden.
Back to normality.
Back to this.
This thing…
I don’t know which feeling is more extreme- the happiness, enthrallment, love. Or suddenly this bored feeling, almost as if there’s nothing to look forward to, to be completely honest.
But I miss him.
I can only hold him in one way.  He only can be a part of my life in my own mind.
Call me insane. Tell me I “lost my marbles.”
I fall in love with the memories I create.
And it’s all I have.
And it feels like a tragedy.