It Always Happens

I am a closed book when it comes to telling other people's business. I didn't realize I'm as good as I am, but I guess I've been proven to be the frickin best. I have so many ridiculous amount of secrets from many of my friends that I wouldn't dare even think about telling. I mean good secrets, some of them. The way I view it is that if they trusted me enough as a friend to tell me something that close to them, I'm gonna hold that to the grave. (Unless, of course, it could be hurting someone else, etc.--there are exceptions, but I would tell the person before I blab.)

Anyway, I cannot tell you how many times I have had people spread stupid half-truths about me. They're funny, silly stories from my past with different friends--relationships they don't understand at all. But yet, they go tell people all these horrible sounding things about me. That is the one thing I cannot stand in a relationship of any kind. Trust is HYURGE to me. I don't want to have enemies for friends. Aren't we supposed to care for each other and keep each other's best interests in mind? I understand that I am more comfortable writing about serious things than I am talking about them, so I've been trying to give humankind the benefit of the doubt in these types of situations.

I really think I'm an awesome friend. I'm sorry if that's wrong. I treat others how I would like to be treated. Only my best friends treat me that way in return. And that's why they're my best friends. That's what separates acquaintances, friends and best friends--the trust level, for me. The closeness.

I would never try to start something with someone by telling something they told in private. My mind doesn't work that way at all. I don't understand it.

I don't know if I should say something and possibly lose a friend over it or just stop telling stories all together.

I don't think I'm that bad of a person. I think gossiping with intent to cause friction is worse than being free-spirited and goofy.

I'm trying to see it from your side of the picture too, but this isn't the first time this has happened. I'll still count you as a friend, but I'm sick and tired of coaxing myself to be close to you and give you another chance. Because I really do like you and I enjoy hanging out with you. But I just feel like I'm on eggshells with you.

Right when I feel like I'm starting to like where I am, I start to feel like everyone's against me.

I like hanging out. But I'll never tell you anything again. :( I feel like I lost a friend out of it either way.

I just trust people too much, and I have a big mouth. But only about myself. And only about things I think are funny. For instance, I'll never tell anyone that you hurt me when you do stuff like this. I'll just convince myself it's not a big deal. And eventually, I'll probably believe it. I'll learn to be more standoffish. That's not always unhealthy, I guess. It just sucks because I like having close friends.

90's Brit Panty Party

I want to live in Great Britain for a while in a couple of years. I wouldn't look like a tourist. I'd get a job, learn French, work on being able to hold onto my American accent and still conform to a British accent. (I pick up accents extremely quickly. I just like listening to accents and I start subconsciously imitating the sounds I hear. When I go to Tulsa or St. Louis, I come back talking like I'm from there. It's odd. Oh, and when I lived in Baton Rouge, I lost my southern accent. Which is odd since Baton Rouge is south of Shreveport. I noticed that I started totally messing up words that were easy to say--words like "forward" or "over," for no apparent reason. I think it was because my accent was changing and I only noticed how I was changing when I said words that I normally rarely said. I would only speak with a southern accent when I called my family on the phone; then all of my Baton Rouge friends would make fun of how southern I spoke. They all have no accent at all, which is odd.)

I'm also making a girls' 90's/early 2000's playlist complete with Will Smith, Vanilla Ice, Britney Spears, Tony Vincent (childhood swoon), "Bruises" by Chairlift (semi-current swoon), etc. It's probably the girliest guilty pleasure thing I do--the new house must be christened. Dance panty party. Probably with wine in hand. Yes, please.

Proofreading Rant

Let me just say that the point of proofreading other people's essays is to give specific examples of the errors in the essay. Saying "I noticed unnecessary commas" is not helpful. It makes you look like you skimmed the essay and are providing a blanket reply; it makes you appear lazy instead of helpful. Ctrl+C. Ctrl+V. That's all it takes to give specific examples. Not hard. Please! Tell me what I did wrong. I want to know.

Reviewer: "I think you have great overall ideas about Banksy's Boston artwork. They are cohesive and supported with strong evidence from the painting itself and other outside sources. However, is it from one of the two museums that Dr. McCray required us to choose art from (the Smithsonian and the Museum of Modern Art)? If you did, I think you should probably site it in your paper and works cited page."

Secondly, I would like to say that it is impossible for one of Banksy's pieces of street art to be located in a museum. (dumba$$) If you'd actually read any of the essay or possibly used 90% of your brain, you would have noticed that, dear. Also, a link to the piece of art was in the works cited page. Your question was answered twice before you even asked it.

My passive aggressive reply: "As it is street art, it is not in either of the two museums that Dr. McCray asked us to choose from. But I did ask his permission to do this art piece.

I'll read over the essay again and see if I can find any of the run-ons and unnecessary commas you are referencing. Thank you for your comment!"

Raer.

I appreciate mean people more than I do tattle tales and youngest children style personalities, especially in writing. Just shoot me straight. "I'm not sure that that piece is in a museum."

Stupid human.

WHEW!!!!!

I'm just a peach today. You'd love it. ;)

Work Alter Ego

There are soooo many things that go into moving into a new house, being the prime contact for your landlord, getting utilities turned on, organizing move-in dates with your roommates, providing copies of leases and necessary information, going to school and working two jobs over 60 hours a week. So. Many. Things.

I thrive off of this stuff--manageable stress (but getting kinda close to unmanageable).

Valentine's and Roo 2012

Welcome to the most depressing day of the year! Not really. But I'm finding less and less people to throw a "Hurrah for Being Single" party with, for sure. I took my friend, Toups, out for sushi last night because he'd never had sushi and wanted to try it before he went on his real Valentine's date in a couple days. I decided I wanted to dress up and at least pretend like it was a Valentine's date, because I don't think I've ever had a real Valentine. I've either never been with someone in February or they lived out of town. Anyway, we got all dressed up and... I'm the best/worst Valentine's date ever. I bought dinner. Then we went to the Boot and I beat him at pool and fooseball. (Sorry if you're reading this, Poopsy). I'm like the butch date in a dress. BUT he surprised me with flowers and opened my door for me (slightly jokingly, but he still did it), which seriously made my night. I finally have some flowers to put in my bud vase thang! I've had it since I worked at Fairway and it always had fake flowers. I've always kinda wanted to keep fresh flowers around the house, and me moving this weekend might be a perfect time to start that. I wouldn't mind waking up to this every day.

Oh, and you can't really see the yellow lantern thing that the flowers are sitting on, but it was a $14.99 Goodwill find that is AWESOME. I'm in love already.

This is my favorite place to take pictures, but it's SOOOO hard trying to take them by yourself. Anyone wanna model for me/uh, let me model too?

Well, it's done. The Bonnaroo Lineup is out. Let me just say that there's only one headliner I would care about... and I called it. Radiohead. Among the others, though, are Bon Iver, The Beach Boys (also called it--they wrote a song with effing Charles Manson.... Seriously, how could I miss this?!), The Avett Brothers, The Shins, Foster the People, Skrillex, Feist, Ludacris, St. Vincent, The Civil Wars, Fitz & the Tantrums, Dawes, Kurt Vile & the Violators, Delta Spirit... And those are just the ones I've heard of and know I like.... Last year, I found SOOOOO much new music I fell in love with. Moral/financial dilemma going on right now. Can it be done?

Top 5 Guhs

And here are my “Top 5 Prettiest Girls in the World/Best Style” that I get way too excited about when I see in a magazine (which probably means I have a slight crush on them).

#1 is definitely Ms. Bambi Lynn-Northwood.

Ms. Alexa Chung. Awesome style, but she kind of annoys me. When I feel British, I dress like her. She wears the things closest to what has always been my style, but she's not very ballsy.

Ms. Erin Wasson. This girl, on the other hand.... The bad ass of all bad asses. Definitely best body out of all of these. When I feel really Americana American, I dress like her.

Ms. Freja Beha Erichsen. She's a lesbian, but I still adore her. I'm just more stand-offish with her because of it. You know how we have to be. I mean, I don't actually want her to ask me out.

Ms. Agnyss Deyn. The most adorable Doc Martin, color wheel of a human. I adore you.

Ok, enough weirdness. I may or may not have left my heater on way too much this past month. I’m just so cold all of the time. Whether it was $121.72 worth of cold, I’m not sure.

So.... I played the new song last night. It was like therapy in some way. I was sitting in a circle with my friends, and everyone was talking and hanging out. I asked for my friend’s guitar and then I just started playing the song, quietly, more to myself than anything. I didn’t expect to finish out the song. But I kept singing it. They stopped talking. I just played it and felt every note, every lyric. It felt like a pouring out of souls, a vulnerable admission, a complete honesty, a "not trying to put up a front" for a while. It’s so embarrassing... Leave me alone! Go away! No, please don’t leave. Let’s not talk about anything in specific--let's keep it light-hearted. Just hang out with me. Don’t hug me. Let’s just hang out. I’m not sure if they were even really listening, but it was so therapeutic for me. I decided I liked the song. I had a moment with it. And it was real.

Sooooooo anyway! On another note, I'm taking Toups to try his first bite of sushi tonight!

Oh, yeah!!! We, we so excited.

New House Pics

Well, here's a picture of our NEW HOUSE that we signed a lease on THIS MORNING!!! (One of our roommates had to go to work so he's not in the picture :/). BUT... I'm just so excited.

I've been trying not to get too excited, since the lease wasn't signed yet. I've been pretending like at any moment, I will get a phone call that says he forgot about us and gave it to someone else or that the roof collapsed or the dryer exploded and burned the house down--really anything that would throw us under the bus. But nothing like that happened! We're going to get it now! I'm so excited about moving all of our furniture in and decorating the house and making coffee for us in the mornings, putting pizza in our freezer, getting pissed that I always have to do the dishes for other people, falling down our porch stairs, etc. I'm excited about spending time at my own house! It's a good thing. A wonderful thing.

The Extends

So there’s this potato soup guyssssss. You know, the kind with the bacon, cheese and green onions on top? Lawd have mercy. It’s so good. I’ve eaten it twice. I’ve also thrown up after eating it both times. I’m not sure if I’m allergic to something in it or maybe just… randomly threw up. However, I tried to decide today if it was worth possibly making myself sick just to be able to taste it. I decided it was; therefore, I have now tried it THRICE and am currently waiting patiently to be in the throes of dreadful, nauseous spasms.

Guys, do your frickin’ taxes… Seriously it’s NOT THAT HARD... What horrible timing.

There have been many… nick names… over the years that… I have been..given. (That should obviously be read like Christopher Walken). Among these are the ones my family gave me (and still call me) Chel, Chels, Chelly, Chel Bell, Baby Hands, Little China Doll. … Ok, that last one I just made up. But for the non-family related nicknames, there are a few to be introduced as well. Among these are Chucky, Ally, Ally Cat, Chuck, Poison Ivy, Red, etc. I have a feeling, I’m about to start getting called T-Rex or Velociraptor at my new work. I kid you not. They have taken notice of the fact that I rarely take my hands away from their natural resting spot--supension in front of my chest--under any circumstances. It’s a habit. I hold my own hands a vast majority of the time.

Anyways, here comes the awkward part where I start posting a bunch of different pictures of squirrels I just found. No big deal.

Suddenly I start feeling like all creatures really are very similar. Or maybe I'm just part squirrel. Cuz that kiss looks goooooooood.

Best power animal ever.

In other news, hold on to your turbans, kids. They just made 24K gold nail polish. What is our world coming to? (Not that I wouldn’t try it, but)

Belly Buttons

It’s about time for garage sale, antique and flea market shopping… Reeeeeal(ly) soon. Especially since I'm signing on our HOUSE next week! Ahhhhh. Now is the time for creativity.

Also, there are three different types of belly buttons. The innie (the most common), the outie (the one with the most potential to look weeeeeird), and the flattie (the one everybody forgets about). Flatties are my favorite. Behold. THE BELLY BUTTON DIAGRAM!!!

Um, now that everyone, including myself, is officially grossed out…. :( Here is the perfect belly button—the flattie.

There are really so few people with flatties that it’s almost intimidating when you meet one. "Oh, hi little guy!" They're practically viewed as a god in my eyes as soon as I find out--the person that is, not da button itself. It’s odd.

Oh, this was me waking up this morning.

Oh, and this will be me when I get off work...

Ready to face the world.

I'll Chew You Out! Only on paper though.

I'm not a girl that needs to be told she looks pretty all of the time or that needs to be flattered in many ways. Nothing like it. In fact, it usually makes me feel very uncomfortable. Most of the time, I see it as leaning towards bullshit and I think that's fine. I mean, why else would someone be taking the time and making the effort to go out of their way to talk to me about random things I know they don't want to talk about? If we have nothing to talk about, then let's not talk and save ourselves the trouble of trying to flatter and coax each other into mutual attraction. I see through most of you. It won't work. I'm not into that. Words of affirmation are great when I think that it's genuine. That means so much to me. But if I don't feel it is genuine (if I feel it's something that is being said just for the sake of being said), I view it as a distant, almost perverted, and embarrassing thing. I view it much in the same way as a cat call. As well-intentioned as it may be, it is not your place. I don't know what points you're trying to score in the man department by talking extremely loudly to me about Chucks and how cool you are/heeberdeeber I am, but really what's happening is you're turning into every other guy in my mind. Dis. Interestedddddddd. Too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. I want someone that's nice, but not too nice. Cares about me, not about what "lots of girls like, duuuuuude." I appreciate the intention, but I find it unnecessary. You don't have to try so hard with me. In fact, please don't try at all. It's much less stressful and less awkward.

By the way, this isn't about any one person necessarily. This is a pent-up vent that's been waiting to come out for a while.

It's not even really that I'm that angry. It just frustrates me that people in general care more about scoring than they do the actual person they're trying to play. It just really grosses me out. We weren't made for this.

I took a love language quiz just now (since I was complaining about words of affirmation). Supposedly, I like physical touch, then quality time, then words of affirmation, and then acts of service. And supposedly I don't care at all for receiving gifts. Haha Another way to translate it is Touch Oriented/Verbally Oriented and.... no visual orientation at all.... I hope that's okay.

Also, I am very much an INFJ/Aries. I wish I could post everything I just looked up, but that would seem creepy. Look up YOUR zodiac and Myers-Brigg's personality type! (I feel like all that this blog is missing now is like a Visitor Counter, some type of vertically organized little side panel with listed sponsors, and all of the latest fashions, as well as how I absolutely aDoReeeee Clemence Poesy and Erin Wasson... No, it's ok. I'll go on and fess up to it.

I do. Particularly Erin Wasson, of course.

:::A NEW HOME:::

Venice Biennale

So I think I found a house...

OK I'VE GOT TO SHARE!!!!!

It's a little three bedroom/one bathroom green house with hardwood floors on Robinson. It has an adorable front porch. Oh, and it has a back porch too, along with a fenced-in back yard. No big deal. Washer and dryer, central ac and heat, a walk-in shower AND a claw foot bathtub. (Now I can take my bathtub pics and they won't be as emo!!!) Anyway, I'd like to move in today if possible? I just can't wait! It's high time for something new. Also, I would like to say that I would like to take pictures of me and my fellow roommates in front of every house we've lived in (upon moving in or moving out). I think I'll start doing this.

I'll probably get my new piercing tonight after the Engine show, just sayin. I'm thinking probably something like this piercing. Pretty frickin cool. Wanna come with? Okaaaaaay.

I would like to say that it is extremely unfortunate that I have vitamin deficiencies that make me super tired. It's unfortunate for anyone, but it's particularly unfortunate for someone who HATES missing out on things, HATES waking up alone and works 60 hours a week. It causes very frustrated awakenings and much-shorter-than-expected times off. For instance I worked from 8:30 yesterday morning til 8:45 last night... And slept from 9:15 last night til 9 this morning. So much for plans. It's a problem sometimes.

Hugs

Martine Eshuis

I'd like a hug. From any angle. I won't be picky. Just a hug. A hug I'm not expecting would be the best--the special kind; a hug where someone I love sneaks up behind me and pulls my waist in, arm reaching across my torso, hand on my shoulder, cheek resting on my head, just holding each other, and I can't stop smiling..........

Sigh. A hug in general is fine too. Just a real hug that's platonic is cool I guess.

I can't wait to have roommates and a new place to live!!!