Things I’m realizing:
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Just because you love someone and they love you back does not mean that either one of you is good for the other.
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If you feel sad about a choice you made, it does not mean you made the wrong choice.
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Sometimes, it’s okay to be selfish and look out for #1,
first and foremost. (Everyone else is,
after all).
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As you get older, it becomes apparent that some people
are and some are not worth investing
time in. We have a limited number of
hours in a day (and realistically, a limited number of days in our lives) with
which to spend with friends and people we care about, so be sure that the
people whose lives you are investing in as well as the people who are investing
in yours are people that are worth your affection. Cuz humans can be so wonderful and/or so fucking
shitty. Make good choices with whom you
surround yourself.
I just want to be treated like I
would treat somebody else, really. I think
that’s the problem. I’ve been with
people who treated me kinda shitty and with people who treated me like
gold. They don’t work out for me. It’s not the people, I don’t think. I think it’s the way they make me feel.
I date ass holes for two of the
following reasons: (#1) - there’s no risk of them getting attached because they’re
ass holes anyway and view you as a temporary fix to them being single. “I mean, I care about you, but I just don’t want to fall for you.” Yeah, there’s nothing to fall for because the heart you do have is folded and tucked away in the
bottom of a drawer with socks and condoms on top of it and there’s no room in
that drawer for me to climb in and cuddle with you. You’re not even there; you don’t even know
where it is anymore. “It’s somewhere in
that drawer, why do you keep bringing it up?! God!” You had no intention of showing it to
me. It just kinda happened to get lost
somewhere in the mix. It’s a damn shame
you lost touch with feeling. (#2) – There’s
a slim chance of me getting attached to the ass hole type of dude, because I
would like to think that I won’t take him too seriously. But then, I usually end up getting
semi-attached and believe the ass hole dude to merely be “misunderstood” or to
genuinely have a “good heart,” he’s just “damaged.” That’s probably true—he probably is fairly
damaged—but is that really a reason to date someone? Do we date for the potential we see in
someone or how they really are, how
they make us feel, what we see in them as in present tense, not some imaginary
sense. Someone who has problems ought to
be actively fixing those problems instead of just making excuses for them... Because they’re an ass hole.
I’ve also been with people who
treated me awesome, which was just fricking weird. Don’t get me wrong, you taking me to dinner,
watching movies, etc. is all super nice.
But it’s all so normal and boring and clingy-feeling. If it’s all flowers and candles and you’re
perfect to begin with, I feel like you’re following some “To Do” list that some
other girl made for you as her project, and now you think you’re God’s gift to
womankind because you would hypothetically please any woman with your romantically
in-tune gestures. I’m not every
girl. A slingshot would mean more to me
than a flower. A bird’s feather would
mean more than chocolate. Think again,
bruh—it’s boring. BORING.
I want to open my own door sometimes, I want you to wrestle
with me sometimes (trust me, you’re not going to break me), I want you to step
on my toes so I can tell you it bothered me and see you learning, trying to
make me happy in the future.
I’m tired of putting so much effort into the wrong types of
relationships! I have invested myself in
all types of dudes, but I find that my problem is always that they don’t treat
me the way I want to be treated, and I allow
that to continue because I’m empathetic and feel like it ought be a “give and
take.” That’s all fine and good, but I
ought be responsible enough in the future to recognize when someone is treating
me well, when they’re not, and how to fall or not fall in love with a person
who is merely going to break my heart in the future. It’s simply not worth it.
So I will spend more time at the forefront of a
friendship/relationship ensuring that the person that I am spending time with
is worth my time and investment in the first place. And I will be unapologetic in saying no or
yes to future dates, because the date is owed honesty and I should feel
comfortable enough in my own sense of perception of character and the
interworkings of two characters to own up to my decisions. If I could have kept myself from liking some
of the people I liked in the past before I started liking them, I would be a much less bitter person and
probably have learned just as many lessons; they would have just involved
self-control instead of heart-break. And I wouldn't have hurt anyone in the process either.
| — | Zen Proverb (via mistakse)
Quote,
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