How is it that you can pour your heart out to someone, be seemingly accepted, and then realistically... utterly rejected?
You called me your best friend, as you were mine. But now you want nothing to do with me. And that hurts worse than you wanting less with me.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
What does one do when they feel utterly lost? I have so many mixed emotions right now. I am absolutely in love with a man who I'm now scared to love. Love is such a risky and odd thing. It can hurt you or hold your back. Cause such happiness and such heartbreak. Heart pulls this way. Heart pulls that. Heart drops. Heart rushes. Love is an exasperation emotions of wills. Will this or don't. Love never dies. It merely changes face. This is my view on love- all in or all out. If you're not willing to put 100% on the line, then don't fall in love. "Falling in love" is the perfect description- you may not know how bad it will hurt when you land, but you take the plunge. I don't understand people that don't give 100%. One that isn't willing to risk it all should RISK nothing at all. Simple as that. But ANYWAY!
I am a person that doesn't like to bring up problems I may have between me and another person. I put up with things that may or may not should be problems, and I rarely address them. I don't like conflict. I'd rather the person be blissfully ignorant and happy than have to worry about changing for me. Perhaps it is the way I was raised, I'm not sure. However, I do know that I have never ever wanted to talk to someone so bad in my life. I miss him. I want to know EXACTLY what he's thinking. I want to know whether I should purge this love that I made in my heart. It is not fit to love another. However, it IS fit to love. I will not ask anyone to change for me; if I have to ask someone to change in order for me to love them, I feel that it is not love that I am offering. It would then merely be a selfish comfortability. I would love to know what I truly think. It is odd that my own mind can be so complex and so confusing to even me.
Am I happy? Was I happy? I have no idea. Please tell me.
All I can think of is the phrase "You never know what you've got until it's gone." What did I have, and is it really gone?
I am a person that doesn't like to bring up problems I may have between me and another person. I put up with things that may or may not should be problems, and I rarely address them. I don't like conflict. I'd rather the person be blissfully ignorant and happy than have to worry about changing for me. Perhaps it is the way I was raised, I'm not sure. However, I do know that I have never ever wanted to talk to someone so bad in my life. I miss him. I want to know EXACTLY what he's thinking. I want to know whether I should purge this love that I made in my heart. It is not fit to love another. However, it IS fit to love. I will not ask anyone to change for me; if I have to ask someone to change in order for me to love them, I feel that it is not love that I am offering. It would then merely be a selfish comfortability. I would love to know what I truly think. It is odd that my own mind can be so complex and so confusing to even me.
Am I happy? Was I happy? I have no idea. Please tell me.
All I can think of is the phrase "You never know what you've got until it's gone." What did I have, and is it really gone?
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