The Old Dies with a Valiant Goodbye

I've always almost been willing to say I wish it had never happened. "That bad, huh?" "Yes, it changes the way I feel about myself, relationships, hobbies, everything." But two out of those half three, half four things have made me a better person for it.

Myself - It's made me view myself less independently and yet more independently. I am scarcely what I used to be, which is not entirely a bad thing. I used to feel that I had nothing to prove, very confident in who I was, very independent. However now, I feel that I not only want to be myself, but also that I want to be liked. I don't want to settle in apathetically doing what I would usually do. I want to push myself to be comfortable in situations I am not naturally comfortable in, like meeting new people. I want to be someone that others are comfortable with, and I don't want to be that girl that others feel like they can never reach. I feel that I was that way at one point.

Relationships - I am much more suspicious, curious, fascinated. I feel that it once was only a friendship. I treated you like I treated my guy friends. And I was not treated well, as a girl should be treated by the man that says he loves her. I desire not to be told of past escapades with your other girlfriends. I desire not to find texts from girls that you had been hooking up with while we were talking. I desire only true devotion, and for that I am thankful. I am thankful when I look at the man in front of me and see no alterior motives in his eyes. He wants me for me, just as I desire him for every wonderful thing he is. We are one. And though in the past, you tried to take some of my heart, you took just enough for me to realize how good I have it now. For that, I shall not regret.

Hobbies - I now realize that art is something you see or you don't, and it is never something to be ashamed of. It is something to be appreciated. I, now, know that such a large part of me as this is meant to be shared with me alone, if noone else cares. And that is fine. However, to meet someone who shares this with me and loves it about me, just as I love and respect it in him, is a beautiful thing.

Everything - That is a strong statement. I feel that I view things better now. Less judgmental, less naive. And for that, you are not to thank, only myself and others. You're welcome.

So after all, I thank you in the most genuine way that I can. Thank you for being a fool, so that I could see what real people are like. I hope that you realize that everything you once had has been vastly improved and has moved on to the most amazing thing I could ever hope for. And you are still the same. It's a shame not for me, but for you.

other places

I feel an emotion stronger than in my past. It's something real- this that I feel.

I am desperately wanting to travel abroad lately. There is so much world to see and I want to explore it. Not on the streets with a map, visiting museums and famous landmarks. I want to be in the country and see what those people see. Learn to talk like them and to live like them. Culture is a much greater thing to me than I ever had realized. My supposed hatred of history, as I had come to convince myself, limited me from actually diving into the study of another country. However, I have always appreciated culture. My first glance at culture came from visiting plantation homes and gardens in south Louisiana. What beauty we have here: magnolia trees, crepe myrtles, pelicans, Southern Moss... All of it is so beautiful and full of culture. I feel like my roots were grown there. Like I've always been here, even before my time. This makes me wonder what else is out there. If I love what I've always known (which for most, has the potential to become boring), how much more could I love that which I have never seen?!

I wait patiently on it. I'll see you one day.