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It's a struggle of being pulled this way

(whether it's mine or yours or both, I don't know)

and trying to hold myself back.

It's an excited hello, a slightly-sorry-for-myself-goodbye

and an "I'm not here" all at the same time.

...At least an "I'm trying to not be all here."

I want to check in completely sometimes.

Sometimes, I feel like I did lately--it never feels wrong.

It always feels right.

Honestly, I look forward to you a great deal.

I wonder if you will always be just something to look forward to.

Every song that I listen to feels like the music is speaking to me in particular.

I want to write back about it--about these things I think, the things I feel.

It is all so vulnerable.

At the end of the day, everyone can read your thoughts

and you have nothing to hide behind,

not even someone's misinterpretation of your thoughts if you have done your job well.

The idea of someone knowing you so well is a beautiful, horrendous thing.

"your beard is growing wild my dear

i love your face

rosy cheeks and pale skin makes me feel this way

like a little girl inside

i just want to hug you day and night, night

let your eyes grow big and your heart beat full"

-Sea of Bees "Skinnybone"

On another note, I think I may have just jumped on the Lady Gaga bandwagon,

as well as made a commitment to start working out again. And the crowd goes wild!!!

Ok, bye.