It Always Happens

I am a closed book when it comes to telling other people's business. I didn't realize I'm as good as I am, but I guess I've been proven to be the frickin best. I have so many ridiculous amount of secrets from many of my friends that I wouldn't dare even think about telling. I mean good secrets, some of them. The way I view it is that if they trusted me enough as a friend to tell me something that close to them, I'm gonna hold that to the grave. (Unless, of course, it could be hurting someone else, etc.--there are exceptions, but I would tell the person before I blab.)

Anyway, I cannot tell you how many times I have had people spread stupid half-truths about me. They're funny, silly stories from my past with different friends--relationships they don't understand at all. But yet, they go tell people all these horrible sounding things about me. That is the one thing I cannot stand in a relationship of any kind. Trust is HYURGE to me. I don't want to have enemies for friends. Aren't we supposed to care for each other and keep each other's best interests in mind? I understand that I am more comfortable writing about serious things than I am talking about them, so I've been trying to give humankind the benefit of the doubt in these types of situations.

I really think I'm an awesome friend. I'm sorry if that's wrong. I treat others how I would like to be treated. Only my best friends treat me that way in return. And that's why they're my best friends. That's what separates acquaintances, friends and best friends--the trust level, for me. The closeness.

I would never try to start something with someone by telling something they told in private. My mind doesn't work that way at all. I don't understand it.

I don't know if I should say something and possibly lose a friend over it or just stop telling stories all together.

I don't think I'm that bad of a person. I think gossiping with intent to cause friction is worse than being free-spirited and goofy.

I'm trying to see it from your side of the picture too, but this isn't the first time this has happened. I'll still count you as a friend, but I'm sick and tired of coaxing myself to be close to you and give you another chance. Because I really do like you and I enjoy hanging out with you. But I just feel like I'm on eggshells with you.

Right when I feel like I'm starting to like where I am, I start to feel like everyone's against me.

I like hanging out. But I'll never tell you anything again. :( I feel like I lost a friend out of it either way.

I just trust people too much, and I have a big mouth. But only about myself. And only about things I think are funny. For instance, I'll never tell anyone that you hurt me when you do stuff like this. I'll just convince myself it's not a big deal. And eventually, I'll probably believe it. I'll learn to be more standoffish. That's not always unhealthy, I guess. It just sucks because I like having close friends.