People hate losing friends. People hate being separated. But what is worse—being the one that’s leaving or being the one that’s left? I’m not talking about any romantic thing or death or anything of the heartstrings sort. I’m talking about moving off to college. I’m talking about you having friends over versus you being the one that leaves your friend’s house. Simple stuff. Just a matter of preference at the root of it, I believe.
There are perks and downsides to each.
Let’s talk about being the one doing the leaving. If you’re this person, you get to decide when you leave. It won’t take you by surprise ever. Also, when you leave, you have something to look forward to, even if it’s a ten minute drive home. You get to decide how you’ll spend the rest of the night from that point onward. You want a candy bar? Suuuuuure, stop by and get one! It’s on the way home, after all.
Now, let’s talk about being the one that stays behind. If you’re this person, you don’t have to go anywhere. You just stay put and remain in the place you were content to be before the other person was there in the first place. You can get back to your daily activities. You can settle back into normality and what you are comfortable doing.
…Who am I kidding? The second one sounds HORRIBLE!!!! I don’t know if it’s a matter of who is a homebody and who isn’t. I don’t know if it has something to do with me being scared I’ll turn around and everyone left. But I know I would much rather be the one doing the leaving than be the one who stays behind. One isn’t necessarily easier than the other. There’s just something about a car ride that comforts me. Some of my most horrendous and lovely moments have happened in a car. That being said, for me it’s easier to drive away from someone than it is to see them drive away from me. There’s this feeling of loneliness when you see your friends drive off. There’s no soundtrack to distract you (as there is if you’re the one driving away in a car) and there are no sights to cheer you. It just sounds so boring and sad.
On another note, I had a naked dream AND a rape dream the night before last. My last naked dream was not embarrassing; it was awesome. I was actually quite proud of myself and my coming-into-my-own. But this naked dream was embarrassing again. I suppose I’m back to childhood shyness. The rape dream was not cool. That’s never happened before. It was scary and made me feel weird. Also, last night, I dreamed that one of my friends turned on me and was planning on killing me, chasing me through the woods with some knife/scissor concoction. They cut my finger and I felt it. I woke up and the cut wasn’t there.
I’ve been sleeping fine lately. It’s just that I dream horrible things are happening to me and I can’t do anything about it but run. It’s always in a place that I haven’t been before. I’m always trying to figure my way out. I’m always by myself and friends are nearby, but none of them know where I am. And I never can quite get away from what wants to hurt me. It’s odd because I think I feel fine. The dreams make me more uneasy than my actual state does. I mean I’m doing well. I just want to stop having nightmares.
Also, I would like to say that I want to try on a dress this fantastic someday.
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