Albert Pike

So I'm going to Albert Pike, Arkansas tomorrow night to camp with friends until Sunday night. Should be a b-b-blast. Really the only thing I associate with Arkansas is the long drive from St. Louis to Shreveport that me and my family used to go on. I just remember my mom saying, "Go to sleep! If you take a nap, we'll be there faster!" And she was always right. I think she is what got me addicted to naps. I've taken two today and it's 4:00 P.M., 16:00 for the military minded. Or something....

Oh, and that's one of my favorite models - her name is Bambi and she's adorable.

And lastly, this child ADMITTED to throwing that pinecone. What a little shit.

Me Night

Well, I'm taking a night to myself. I realized that I'm exhausting myself trying to be/hang out with everyone at once. I need some me time- I love going out to eat, seeing a movie, or exploring by myself and I literally haven't done any of those things in months. So tonight, I am having a "me night." Here is the list of things I have come up with to do.

To Do List for Today:

• Buy some nails, tacks and frames to hang up all my paintings in my house that are STILL NOT UP!!!
• Straighten and CLEAN my house while listening to some myrusic of choice- I'm feeling Mika, Coldplay, Fun and some cheesy radio music like the Black Eyed Peas tonight.
• Hang all those amazing paintings.
• Make/devour Mac 'N Cheese, go see a movie, eat out, whatever I feel like.
• Plan what I want to do with the picture Collage*
• Play some guitar/accordian and/or paint/draw
• And then maybe do a bunch of girly stuff like, ya know, paint my nails, wear crazy makeup and clothes and take pics, fall asleep to a Netflix movie with a pint of ice cream and milk beside me. Ya know, the things that I make fun of girls for doing, but I still love and never do often enough.

* I have tons of small paintings/pictures by artists that I found on my Tumblr. I'm trying to figure out where I would like to put all of these up. I've been thinking about a wall collage, where they are all framed and placed "mis-matchedly" on the wall. I'm also thinking about putting them on hemp strings and hanging them from my kitchen ceiling, as it has a spot for an idea like this. Or some cheesy banner or something. Hrmmmm.

You're welcome. ;)

Toilet Naps

So today, I fell asleep on the toilet at work... Just took a quick nap- woke up with fingerprints on my face. It really is wonderful how quickly and soundly I can fall asleep. I've fallen asleep three times in a drive-thru- the same trip. Literally fell asleep, woke up - "Oh shniz! I just fell asleep and the car in front of me pulled up", pulled up, fell asleep, and so forth. Three times. I also fell asleep standing up while working the drive-thru at Starbucks. While I fell asleep by accident those times, today was totally on purpose. I sound like such a lazy ass, but I really am a hard worker if I actually HAVE SOMETHING TO DO. I just take advantage of the fact that I'm tired and I can either sit in my office for twenty minutes or sleep on the toilet. The choice is obvious. I'm about to pull my hair out working this much and doing this little work.

So because of today's boredom, I decided to look up Jeff Buckley on wikipedia. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's depression, so I won't tell his story. But he was wonderful musician that should be listened to by YOU as often as possible.

So, I joined a new band. I will, now, be playing with a band called Victor Olston. We are also on Facebook. Tonight is my first official show with them. I am excited to see how it turns out; I'm thoroughly enjoying it thus far.

Baby Elephant - BIOTCH - Dumbo

Mama and Baby Elephant, a photo by tamaralund on Flickr.

So, I've been looking up pictures of baby elephants all day today, no big deal. What of it?

Today, I have had an overwhelming desire to be a smart-ass. I got in the elevator at work well aware that there was someone walking up.... I just let the door close. I laughed to myself that the person was probably slightly upset. I'm really helping whoever was out there walking up- they should learn that not everyone is nice. The world is a hard place... ;) Someone also walked up to me while I was smoking outside today and said, "You know those will stunt your growth! Haha" I replied, "Haha... I'm not twelve." But I waited to say it until he could probably barely hear me. Rawr.

Oh, and SINCE we were on the subject of elephants!!!!! Dumbo, 101 Dalmations and Benji were my favorite childhood movies. Dumbo was on my top three because of this scene - Pink Elephants!

What an odd child to like that part the best of any movie - I'm surprised that my mom even allowed me to watch that part, considering her protective nature and the trippiness of the scene. For example, we were not allowed to watch Alice in Wonderland. Just TOOO MUCH IMAGINATION!!! But I'm glad that I liked that part as a kid, because it's still one of my favorite parts of a Disney movie. I know it backwards and forwards - even the slightest of little sounds in it. :) It reminds me of being a kid.

So Dysfunctional

I think something is wrong with me....

It doesn't matter if I like someone a lot, I mess it up. At the start, I naturally get embarrassed for some reason and end up ignoring them. I'll make sure I'm still present when they're around (Haha ;)), but I almost refuse to look at them when they're in the same room as me. Honestly, that rule is so tried and true with me that if there is ever a person in the same room as me that I am sitting by and hanging out with but rarely look at or have one-on-one conversation with, you can be assured that I have a thing for them. Haha WHY DO I DO THIS?!!!! And then after a while of this, they try extra hard to get my attention because they think I'm one of the "untouchables" (competitive human mindset - we want what we can't have) and then..... I think they're doing that because they like me! So all this pent up "like" comes into play and I end up doing things that I wouldn't normally do- things that I'm not sure if I'm okay with or not. But then, to the guy, it just looks like the minute they pursued me, I threw myself at them, when that is not the case. I most likely have been timidly tip-toeing around them for a while and making sure that I liked them, and then just got over-excited at the thought of them liking me back.

Why doesn't anyone write songs about being scare of love and how dysfunctional we can get? Or am I the only one? :(

Life As Of Now

Untitled, a photo by Sam Coldy on Flickr.

I feel like a little girl. I feel nothing like a 22 year old woman that's supposed to be in control of her emotions or her self. Nope. I feel just like a small child that is so excited, they don't even want to go to sleep. It's fun. :) But quite possibly a bad idea.

On another note, I found roughly 30 cds that I thought I had lost in my move back to Shreveport. I don't think I've been that excited in probably years. That sounds like a joke, but literally, it was kinda embarrassing. Haha I found a YES, Raconteurs, Beck, Circa Survive, Fionn Regan, Frannk Sinatra, Spoon and Sloan album, just to name a few. It was all albums I haven't been able to listen to in over a year. It feels like a reunion.

Also, I practiced with my new band for the first time on Sunday, and we're practicing again tonight. It's so nice to be able to play piano again. I've missed it a lot; I got rusty. :/ But I'm really enjoying it, and I think the piano parts have a lot of potential because the songs are already great. I just need to pick out some fun parts. :)

Dr. Phil Moment with the Keyboard

It's funny how a fast a dynamic can change; and suddenly there's no going back to what it was. Hard times show who people really are - yourself and others. And unfortunately, all of us are flawed and usually not very pretty at heart.

...I don't honestly believe in reincarnation, though it would be awesome...

Rambling... Haha Anywho, BOTTOM LINE IS you have one life to live, and that life isn't worth spending stressed out about things you can't change. So I want to make the most of every day I'm here, and enjoy my life instead of stressing about what could be or anything of that nature. That's not an excuse to leave when things get hard or to turn your back on anything. Merely a point being noted that most of the things that we freak out about as humans are really not that big of a deal in the long-run. You have to ask yourself, "Is it worth stressing about?" I've stressed about things for the past nine months, and I've found that while I have learned some things, I mainly have become much more bitter and heartbroken over things that are not a part of my life anymore, as a rule. My philosophy in life is to do the things that you love and if you're not 100% behind something, DO. NOT. DO. IT. I can't say how many times I have said "All in or all out." And that's not a 'that's what she said,' perv. ;) I'd rather look back on my life and be able to honestly say that I did what I loved and really enjoyed every bit of my life than to know that I chose to put up a fight to either keep something or willingly let something go... but regret the decision. I don't really know what that means for me right now, but.

It's an odd feeling to have a peace or resolve. But I guess I'm glad it's there. I've worked towards this point for a year now, and I finally feel like I'm excited about where life will lead me again. It feels like memories leaving me though. Like a chapter of my life closing all of a sudden... when I didn't even realize it was coming.

I guess everyone has to grow up at some point.

And to turn this post around so I'm not officially depressed for the rest of the day... uhhhh... I am recently getting really into Ryan Adams' music? Yeah! It's GRRRRREAT!

And as a little pick me up... look upon my fine friend, Jack White, who looks as if he speaks my language - the language of the awkward soul.