Once Upon a Time

I decided today that Marsalis is a particularly awesome last name. As is Massala and Mufasa, if they were actually used in real life, as opposed to only Ben-Hur and the Lion King.

Just in case you ever wondered what to do when you're boreddddddddddd, this list has some great ideas, some of which are mildly dangerous.

Thing 1

Thing 2

Thing 3

I feel helpless.

I started writing a song yesterday afternoon. It wasn't bad--the music. I just couldn't think. I had something very specific I was wanting to write about, but I just couldn't find how to say what I wanted to say. It all sounded like I was in first grade. I didn't finish the song. I kept crossing lines out, switching viewpoints for the song as I sort of argued out my thought processes on paper (trying to think logically about situations versus emotionally is hard--I don't like it at all). By the end of it, I was so frustrated that I barely even knew what I was writing about. I couldn't ever decide what it was that I wanted to say exactly--what direction I wanted to take. It was more that I couldn't ever decide what was ok to say; and if it wasn't okay to say, if I was still okay with saying it. So confusing.

The End.

Some Odd Decades of Hours

The moment you realize they mean even more to you than you thought.

You'll never regret that. You'll never apologize for that.

You miss them already.

First Snow for Christmas!!!

This morning, I woke up and felt like it was Christmas morning. I don't know what it was that made me feel this way. Maybe that it was cold in the house and I slept in pajamas for once. Socks too, actually! Maybe because I could hear rain outside--Christmas day always does seem quite dreery, after all. Maybe because I was excited about today being the last day of school. Maybe because I'm pretty happy with life in general right now. Regardless, I felt the urge to sleep in as late as possible. I was smiling in my sleep; it wasn't a groggy sleep-in. It was a "Life is good; work can wait" sleep-in. I kept sleep-walking over to my alarm clock and then bounding back to my bed, under the covers, away from whatever cold was chasing me back there, nipping at my heels--sock-ed heels I might add--along the way. Antywhays, after about the fifth time I hit snooze, I started dreaming, I suppose. I was talking to some person that was supposedly a fairly good friend (but a kind of annoying, endearing one, I think). They asked me, "Do you know of any way to like, get ready in ten minutes? Like, I need to get ready, but I just want to sleep in the mornings sometimes, ya know? Do you have anything you do?" I remember feeling both a surge of pride and excitement as I mentally prepared my dissertation (How interesting! Funny you ask, little Johnny!) as well as a kind of condescending pity (as in Huh huh huh What a lazy ass. But we have all been there, am I right, fellas?! *Looks around at crowd to signal that applause or at least some congregational "Yyyyyyeeaaahhhh!"'s are welcome.) Anyway, I remember being like, "Oh yeah, for sure. Look, watch this!"... I never realized how much I could swell up with pride about my sleeping habits and how quickly I can get ready (when I need to)--or really that I viewed these things as something to be respected or as something to give advice on.

No matter. The bottom line is that I don't think this classifies as a lucid dream (which is what I was hoping for) although there are a great deal of obvious "dream meets reality" ideas in it.

Moving on to the less longerestishness stanzas:

Red Velvet Cake Cookies - I'm gownna make 'em. Dun. I'm going to invest in powdered sugar, FLOUR, eggs, cream cheese, maybe even a wire cooling rack! (We're going big here). And they are going to look like this.

Except maybe without a random thing of yarn hanging out in the distance just a jump skip and a hop away from the tiered cookie column with another piece of coordinatingly-colored yarn. It will also have more powdered sugar. My mouth is watering already.

I'm also putting out my cheesy Christmas decorations soon. My obnoxious music-playing snowglobe will make it's yearly appearance as well as the dozen mini nutcrackers that I stole from my Grandmother's voracious step-trashcan. There were about twelve different mini nutcrackers, all in different European soldier costumes. I'm not sure if she got them here or in Europe, but I wouldn't let her throw them away because they held too much sentimental value. I remember trying to pick out my favorite each year, even when I was too small to really see them very well as they stood in formation on their shelf--the same place they stood every Christmas at her house.

Something about living by yourself actually makes you more excited about Christmas, I think. You get to see how you'll create it.

Futile Devices

Two real finals down. Two fake ones to go. A few A.D.D. thoughts for the day while I'm SICK TO DEATH OF WRITING PAPERS!!!

#1 - Pomegranates look disgusting.

# 2 - I think I finally have grown into liking Han Solo in my old age.

# 3 - Also, I would like to state that I am wearing tiny fish net tights, a black suede-esque pencil skirt, black high heels, a grey sweater, a pearl necklace, and pearl earrings I got from a wedding I was in when I was seven (I love wearing clothes that I should have thrown away a long time ago), along with cat-eye makeup. It's like playing dress-up at work, but I can get away with it.

# 4 - Album for the day. I can't stop thinking about this album,

so I've been listening to it all day today. This goes in my top 5 albums

(for which I am starting a tag right now).

This album makes me cry and smile uncontrollably, have goosebumps, sing as loud as I can; makes me feel as if life, as it is, is epic enough somehow. That's a hard feeling to accomplish through music- a resolve, a contentment, while at the same time being adventurous and unique

-something different that somehow I can still connect with. He felt vulnerable. He felt open. He felt as if he was still in the moment when he was tracking it.

It's emotionally exhausting in the best sense possible.

I'll never get over this album.

Lines

1. Sometimes, I feel like people with big eyes purposely open their eyes bigger. I'm sure of it, actually. I saw a woman today with very large eyes; you could tell she loved them--she obviously took a great deal of time getting them ready. But the entire time she was talking, she would open her eyes large, forget about what she was doing, let them go back to normal, and then open her eyes very large again. It made me feel very uncomfortable.

2. I just diagnosed myself with an inferior shoulder dislocation (back at the self-diagnosis again), and looked up pictures and ways to pop it back in (if I were not double-jointed) until I almost threw up. Seriously, it is so disgusting. *Shudders. *Goosebumps. Thank the sweet Lord. One day, I should learn to stop playing so rough. But it's always too much fun to stop! And on the upside of it, it's kinda fun being the invalid, ya know? If you have to be, I mean. The only really bad part about it is driving a standard and sleeping. I'll admit that both of those things really suck.

I feel this semester coming to an end. Prepare yourself for much more interesting, creative posts to read.

Love Language

So I just spent the last thirty minutes at a library researching beautiful semi-friend humans that I probably shouldn't have been looking at (but of course I do, because I'm a girl).

Seriously, why do you have to be so cool, so pretty and so perfect? Or uh, why do you have to be such a skank? Or why do I have to even be thinking about you? Why do I feel weird when you come around? Why do I feel like I am competing with you at all? This is no competition.

For the most part, I don't get like this. Most of the time, I really don't care. Ugh. I guess I just feel like inadequate as a girl today? I should have boobs and nice skin and pretty hair too! Or skinny arms. There were two people that I didn't know that talked to me last night after the show--one was a creepy Mexican with an XXXL t-shirt down to his knees and the other was a blonde curly-haired fifty year old who I talked to about the Beatles and Buddy Flett. I'd like to have a normal conversation with them (maybe not the creepy Mexican), but both called me "baby" or "sweetie," talked too close and made me feel extremely uncomfortable until I made up some excuse about having "to use the restroom real quick. Nice to meet you." All my friends that I could have normal conversations with were surrounded by the girls with the short dress and heels. It's supposedly about legs and lip gloss.

Seriously? A handsome face on a guy doesn't mean jack to me. "Ooo, awesome! He's got a six-pack. I'm going to try to sleep with him." Am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous? Is there any other human in the world that finds this gross and disrespectful to humanity?

I am not arguing against appeal or attraction or any of the like. I am just saying that I think they are all highly overrated on a broad scale. I don't think someone's appearance makes them who they are; I tend to think that appearance is more like a "Oh yeah, and this is what they look like."

I guess, I usually don't care about the fact that I don't wear short dresses or anything and that most girls look more like women than I do. But at a certain point, you start to notice what gets people talking, what makes those girls feel pretty, etc. At a certain point, you think about maybe trying, just to see if you can pull it off. It all feels so superficial and weird, unnatural honestly. Shouldn't the person themself be sexy and not just their clothes? I feel like all of that should be for one person and not for the whole world. I think that's only respectable. Really, all I ever want is a hug, a normal conversation with other humans and maybe someone to tell me I look pretty-preferably someone who's not just trying to get in my pants-that would be cool. It's not how big her boobs are or how tight his pants are on him. All of that is so secondary to who they are. Not about how much makeup she put on today. Not her cigarettes to bum or his car to catch a ride in. There's a reason I hugged everyone I saw as a kid. It was the only way that I could think of to really show my friends that they meant something to me. A lot of something. I wish people didn't think hugs and platonic conversation were so weird.

Somewhat vulnerable post. I may be a softy, typical hopeless romantic or oblivious girl. But I really do believe all of this quite strongly. I would like to think I'm not the only one, at the root of us.

Pitch Fit Finals, Pinch Tent Titles

I wish I could switch off thoughts sometimes.

It's such a horrible thing to feel as if you're not "100% all there" really anywhere. Doing anything. It's equally as hard when everyone else can tell you're not "100% all there" too.

I had a hard time multitasking as a kid. My family can attest to this. This Thanksgiving, actually, my sister was laughing and poking fun at me about how I couldn't dry dishes and talk at the same time. I would end up holding a dish for however long it took me to finish my thought. As a kid, I always wanted to get better at this. It annoyed me that I couldn't focus on everything at once. My mom told me a trick that she used to use when she was little--it was to sort of make a mental "to do" list in my head that I could repeat to myself to keep me on track. "Wash this plate, then put it up. Wash this plate, then put it up..." It worked! Unfortunately, I can't turn that voice off now. All I've heard for the past two weeks, whether I'm sleeping, showering, talking or driving, is "Do this research paper, pay this bill, write this term paper, make study guides, study those study guides, write other larger paper, don't go insane, take these pills, drink this water, clean house, clean car, get oil changed, rotate tires, move couch upstairs..."

BAgHAHGHAGHARDGHAODFIBHALDFKbna,ergnk.aegiu;osetah;klsths., fdmghadlgki'3owk,d ao;rit[a09je~!35;o972303589

I just pitched a small fit--I apologize.

It really is exhausting.

HOWEVER, there are still things to look forward to! Like a VO show tonight.

*Mom smile with raising eyebrows*

AND the fact that now BOTH sisters are coming to it! Which very well may be a first EVER! :)