Stay True to Thyself

I kind of had an epiphony this week.  I guess there are so many people (myself included) that say "I wish I were this way" or "I wish I could do that."  I just had the thought that it's their own fault for being content to merely talk about the things they want.  For example, I complain about not having money or about hating Shreveport and wanting to get out or about how I don't have time to work out.  I'm about to graduate, at which point all of these things can be fixed.  Really, I could fix them before if I work hard.

I had gotten discouraged with music, thinking I wasn't good enough to be calling myself the same thing as the people I respect so much.  START PRACTICING!!!

So here's my late New Years Resolutions apparently.

• Fix my bike and start biking to save on gas/exercise
• Have at least 30 minutes of exercise per day (to start out).  I'd like it to be an hour.  This ought include 30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of toning every other day.  I miss being fit.  So I'm going to get fit instead of feeling sorry for myself.
• Start writing songs, good ones and bad ones.  The reason I don't write often is because if I don't initially like a song, I scratch it and stop working on it.  Instead, my reasoning ought be "I don't like this song.... How can I change it to make it something I like?"   (All of this feels so elementary to be mapping out, but my OCD part loves lists)
• Become more outgoing.  I'm not sure if I've gotten steadily more and more introverted or if it just never mattered until now, but I have realized that I am so standoffish from people that it is often debilitating.  I'm not sure if it's a matter of me not giving people a chance or just not caring to try or of being scared.  But none of these things are good at all, and I can change any of them that I want.

I guess, to sum up, I just don't want to settle for being what I am when I'm lazy and not trying.  I want to be a bigger and better person that knows what they want and goes for it-- a kinder, healthier, less selfish person.  I don't want to say "This is how I am."  I want to say, "This is how I would like to be" and then DO IT!  You've only got one life to live.

Oh, yeah.  And I want to start doing what I feel like without thinking of what people will think.  I feel like I've held myself in and back for so long for what?!  I'm about to have a degree that I never wanted.  I've wasted four years to get some approval from my family.  I don't really regret it, if that's what it takes.  But honestly, regardless of what I do or don't do, I think my family will never really "get me" and I won't ever "get them."  It seems better to agree to disagree and all of us be individually happy.  That's all you can ask for right?  To love your life and the people in it for being the way they are?

All that to say, I'm getting a tattoo this week.