Ok. I don't necessarily feel like that was for me specifically. However, I view it as a proverb for the day. I'll try not to make hasty decisions- that's never a bad idea. Ok cool.
Anyway, I had a dream about being a surrogate mother for my sister. It was so cool. I was pregnant for about ten minutes in my dream (which was somehow enough time to make the CUTEST baby ever). I was showing him off. He was beautiful..... I don't know what my infatuation with surrogate mothers' is, but I should probably look into that as well.
The entire time I lived in Baton Rouge, I had concentration camp dreams. They were horrible. I always had Jews in my house and was trying to hide them- doing whatever I had to to keep them safe. I remember at a certain point, I was slamming this informant into a table, trying to make her pass out so we could leave. I didn't want to kill her. I just wanted her to pass out, but she never would, she just got weaker and weaker. She would swing to hit me and she never could- I was only hitting her. But she would never pass out. It was a horrible feeling. I remember starting to think "At what time does what I'm doing begin to be a greater degree of wrong than the degree of right that I am doing? Is this worth it?" I just wanted to stop. I also had dreams about people being tortured and I couldn't do anything. It was like I was literally a fly on the wall- I was above everyone else, seemingly in a high corner of the room, just watching, unable to move. I saw the most horrible things- things I didn't even realize could happen until after I woke up. It was all very scientifically accurate. It was too smart. It scared me, it disgusted me. I now look back and realize that as soon as me and my past boyfriend broke up, I stopped having those dreams. I haven't had one since. In fact, I had very positive dreams after that. One in particular that was the coolest dream I've ever had- I know it meant something.
Anyway, this past week, I had a dream about a friend cutting my hair also. Everything that I find on that says it means a fear of losing a reputation or freedom or something of that nature. Which I could see. But I've never had this kind of dream before and, considering that I HAD short hair before, I think it means something different for me. Here is my idea on the matter. Before I cut my hair, I had never realized how much I associated having my long hair with me being a girl. When I was little, I always wanted REALLY long hair that I could braid and do fun things with. But I was the black sheep of the family. My sisters had long thick brown hair and were medium skinned. I was bald until I was three, had thin, white blonde hair and was fair skinned. My hair never got past shoulder-length until I was about twelve. But then, when I was 19 or so, I decided I wanted to do something different and I didn't care what. So I let a friend, Brett Roberts, chop my hair off however he wanted. It turned out SO short, which made me really sad as soon as it was done. But I told him I would love it the next day.... And I did! I LOVED having short hair; I felt like it fit my personality well..... This feels like the gayest post ever. Haha But then, I started getting this lesbian complex. I have a lot of guy friends that have always made jokes about me being a lesbian because I rarely like guys as more than friends and have always been a tomboy. And I never cared at all, because... I know I'm not a lesbian. Haha But all of a sudden, no guy ever looked at me anymore. I never got the "second glance" from anyone EXCEPT for girls. :( Ughhh. That was the only thing I hated about short hair- while I felt extremely comfortable and like myself, I felt as if the only people that liked seeing me at my most comfortable state were people that I didn't care to see me that way. It became frustrating. So ALL THAT TO SAY, I think it was a pretty cool dream that my friend was cutting my hair. Because having short hair is somewhat vulnerable for me now. When you have long hair, you can hide behind it, which can be fun. But short hair, you can't do that with. To have a friend cut your hair short means that I feel comfortable with them seeing me for me, and that they are as well - that they WANTED to. Even if it was just a dream, it was still a cool feeling. I remember feeling proud of ourselves, rebellious and child-like almost. It was sweet.
Sometimes, I wish dreams could last a lot longer than they do. I started writing a song one time about dreams. "I wonder each time when I wake why I'm in love with the memories I make." I feel that if you dream about someone, you WANTED them in your life more than they already were. It's a beautiful life we can create in a dream - literally, everything can be exactly the way you would have it. You're the only one that can see it, and you could've made it however you wanted. But it was what it was. The perfect life sometimes isn't so far from what it is now.
.... I feel like you just googled "surrogacy" and then commented on all the hits you got....
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