How Divine!

Well, hello lovely ladies!

This week was weird. Nothing to say about it.

We leave for Bonnaroo in 8 days!!! All of a sudden, I got this massive complex about what clothes I'm going to bring. Haha

Oh, yeah, and I have a warrant out for my arrest as of a couple days ago. I don't really need to be bouncin them checks.

"Do You Know Jesus?"

Something odd happened today. I didn't go to work yesterday because I was upset about something. And today, I was talking to a close friend about that very same thing. My friend had to get off of the line all of a sudden and I was alone. But I was sitting on my usual ledge outside of my work building, on the "sunshine side"- where I sit every day on my lunch break and smoke a cigarette, read or people watch. (My life has become so ordinary and lame, but I love it. :)) And this middle-aged tiny black woman walked up to me with the oddest look in her eye. She had this peace to her, this sweetness. I've never seen her before, but I knew that she and I should talk for some reason. She told me I was pretty and she kept looking. I said thank you. She told me I had pretty hair. I said thank you. Then she leaned in and almost whispered.... "Do you know Jesus?"

I was very honest with her. I said I was confused on what I believed in at the moment, but that I know all about him. I told her that I was bitter at him. I told her about what I was upset about. We cried together. We hugged. She never talked about herself, but only about her Saviour. She was one of the most beautiful souls I've ever seen. She wouldn't give me her name, which was odd. But I have a feeling that God was looking out for both of us.

It was one of those moments where I am left being able to say nothing but "There HAS TO BE a God that cares SOOOO much about us." And I'm so thankful that people follow what He says. She encouraged me so much. It really was beautiful.

Burlesque

Untitled, originally uploaded by asoltani.

I'm going to my first Burlesque show tonight!....

That feels odd coming out of my mouth. Haha I kinda want to dress like a floose, but I know I'll regret it as soon as I leave my house. Haha Such uncomfortability in trying to prove you look good. Why do we always feel like there's something to prove anyway?

I'm excited about it though.

The Silliest Thing God Created

Untitled, originally uploaded by asoltani.

Allergies.

This is a sneeze waiting to happen.

I Wish I Could Feel More Than What's Around Me

Untitled, originally uploaded by Aëla Labbé.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I'm in no state of unrest, but... just thinking.

Do you know the feeling when you're glad you let a significant other go- it was the good and smart thing for you to do, even if the last thing you wanted to do.

But it's still hard. Particularly, when it involves more than just that one person- that ex. It happens to involve friends that I can rarely see anymore. And the time that I do spend with those friends, while dear to me, is overshadowed with this sense of resolve. It will never be the same again. And it wasn't because of me or them is the sad thing. We can't do anything to change it, to fix it. It was all him and that "her."

I'm not angry anymore. What is done is done and we all reap the consequences. I just fell too hard in the first place and my life is literally forever changed.

This is dumb, but I think the maternal instinct in me thinks "It should have been me. I always thought it would be mine and yours."

But it's his and hers. And that is the end of it.

I wonder if I'll tell my kids about him or if I'll completely leave him out of my stories. I think it's too big of a part of my life to leave out- it shapes me. But maybe someday it won't. Maybe someday, I'll let myself think about things more- I'll be able to feel again, but not feel the pain that comes with feelings. I realized last night that I haven't cried in months. As a person that generally feels intensely, this is greatly abnormal for me and honestly... I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. It's hard when there are no rules to follow. There is supposed to be a balance between laws (or things people/your mind tells you) and feelings (the things that your heart tells you)- that's where you discover your opinions. But I am without opinions on anything, as of late. And I have no opinion on that either.

My comfort is that, through all of this, I notice what is going on around me more. I seem to be purposely oblivious to what is going on inside me. But I notice the little things that I took for granted. The inanimate things have just as much of a voice as those people around us. Mother Nature is just usually nicer.

Here is a picture of me drinking a Diet Coke after Crawfish! Here is apicture of me in a striped shirt!

, originally uploaded by drinkardjoseph.

Crawfish season is here again!!! There's something so wrong and yet so right with eating crawfish. It tastes good, yes; but also, everything within you is telling you that you should stop- your mouth turns purple, your hands burn, your eyes are watering. And that, my friend, is the addictive component in Southern food. It hurts, but it's too good to stop.

MY DEAR FRIEND, ANDREW TOUPS (aka "Toupsy") IS MOVING BACK TO SHREVEPORT BY THE END OF THE WEEK!!! This is something to be profoundly thankful and excited for. He co-wrote Surrogate with me and I miss my boy. :)

Check out my buddy Joseph Drinkard's Flickr! - http://www.flickr.com/photos/josephdrinkard/

Method to Madness

All of us are somewhat mad - I would not have it any other way.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisglass/5533120932/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ladyann/447096241/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/karrah_kobus/5709971769/