Making Up Sicknesses

So I have an appointment tomorrow to figure out if I have a thyroid disorder or if it's merely hypochondria. Bless it. I'm sure I'm fine. I always try to convince myself there's something wrong with me- "I think I'm anemic!," "I have heart palpitations," "I'm diabetic," etc.... I've always been just fine, other than low blood pressure and CONSTANT DEHYDRATION, cuz I'm addicted to Diet Coke and coffee. Luckily, I hate going to the doctor, so I usually disregard my diagnosis of the minute before I invest money in it (which is probably a good idea, since it's utter bull shniz, for the most part). I really just like to pretend like I know more than I do about the human body. But I got scared this week. Legitimately, I think? I realized that

(a) I lost 12 pounds in a month or so without trying

(2) My hair is half the thickness it used to be (thanks to the multiple wads of hair I've been pulling out of my head in the shower)

(d) It's probably not normal to take up to four naps in a single day

(8) It's not normal to still have bruises from mid-July that haven't healed.

It's probably just I need to eat better or drink more water. But I just want to hear ze doc say that. My sister had all the same symptoms and she has hypothyroidism, as does my grandmother, so I'll go give some blood again. :/ Bluh.

Link - Don't read too much into it. I don't play by these rules necessarily. I just feel bad for you losing so much. ;)

• "Intuition" - Feist, you know me too well
• "Baby's Arms" - Kurt Vile, you make me so sad

Bad Day :: Good Day

I want yo face. And yo guitars. And yo clothes. Can we trade bodies, jobs and living arrangements and keep our own friends, families and lives? Ok, I'm in.

Today has been a wonderful day so far. What started out as me moping and comforting myself with the most depressing music I could think of turned into a great day. I got to work feeling sad and out of sorts, so of course Copeland's You Are My Sunshine album gets put on repeat in my iTunes. I start writing. Not on here. In Microsoft Word. I write two full pages of thoughts, frustrating thoughts. I am quite incapable of mentally coping with stress unless I write down my thoughts on the source or reason for the stress first - just a small book. No big deal. I've always done this - before I can think clearly about something, I have to write down my thought processes. Write. Read. Reread. Rewrite. I'm like my own English professor. But somehow, it always helps and I have a clear head afterwards. It's some form of therapy- embarrassing to admit, but therapy in its best form, my favorite at least. So after writing two full pages of very specific thoughts, I wrap up my lack of work that I have to complete at my job and go to lunch. I'd been craving Mexican food all morning, so I walked to Nicky's (which turned out to be a much more annoying walk than I thought). Systemout.println("Heels, " + "creepy people, " + ".... I guess that's really it.") Finished Nicky's in record time - 15 minutes from walk-in to walk-out. Somehow managed to get a chip in my lung in those 15 minutes... I don't know how... And read Catcher in the Rye with my leftover time. I'm not sure if that book is supposed to be funny or not but..... I'll leave it at that. Anyway, for no apparent reason, somehow today has turned up wonderful. What started out as a very sad, gloomy day turned into me looking forward to something- I don't know what. But I have a feeling the world isn't a bad place. I have a feeling that things always look up after all. :) Even if it doesn't end up being the way you thought it would. This is what me preaching to myself sounds like. But I really do believe it, I do.

Also, I would like to say, that the chip in the lung incident was not that bad. I am somewhat of a compulsive liar. I mean, I did choke on the chip. However, on Facebook, I made it sound as if it was an event. It wasn't. One quick, wide eyed, frantic cough. That's all... I'd like to think that instead of me being a compulsive liar, I just recognize an opportunity to make a story better. I love human's laughter, what can I say?! It's all for the greater good, really - this embellishing stories business.... Yeah.

My stomach just made a weird sound though. Maybe I'll make up some story about how I birthed a very small buck tooth alien child this morning that looked JUST LIKE ME!!! Except he had ankle spurs and an adorably sheepish, suspicious smile.... Ok, I won't. But if I did make up that story, this is what he would look like.

Don't worry about him only having one foot. Gah! So judgmental.

...I really think I have something wrong with me sometimes.

The Truth about Good Girls

From back in the day when I used to have Photoshop. I miss that more than I realized.

Long Nails

You know those weird quirks everybody has? The things they hate with a passion for no apparent reason, the things they love the smell of (gasoline and sharpies for me) or are just scared of and don't know why? Well, IIIIIII absolutely HATE people with long nail beds. It scares me so badly. No idea why. LOOK HOW FRICKING SCARY THIS IS!!!!

Oh my Lord! It makes me anxious and feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. And this isn't even half as bad as one's I've seen before either! Honestly Google, Flickr and Bing don't really have that many pictures that have been tagged as "Long nail beds" or "Black People Long Nails" or "African Hands".... Don't judge! It started making me feel racist anyway - googling all of the pictures (because it's usually only black people that have long nail beds for some reason- it really does look so scary). :/ So then I decided to google "Pretty hands" and look what a peach of a gem I found!

So delicate, really.

Also, today I saw a plastic bag blowing in the wind, and I had an epiphany that I had just relived a moment in the life of Katy Perry. Imagine. She's like, "Oh, look at that plastic bag! Wait, sometimes I feel like that bag. :(" And THUS AN INSPIRATIONAL KATY PERRY POP SONG WAS BORN. I still don't really know if I've ever felt like a plastic bag. I can't really say that I even know how that would feel..... But still, the moment today was magical...... ;)

And lastly, I just spilled coffee all over my paynts. It feels warm.

Randoms

I wrote something in a previous blog about how no one ever writes anything about how complicated we can make things regarding love and like and life- habits, predispositions, etCETRA. Obviously, Aqualung had never clicked with me on that level until now. What a beautiful human, with such a sad, hopeful soul. "If love is not the answer, then maybe I misunderstood the question." - Black Hole by Aqualung

So, after the awkwardness that is a theater-sized screening of Horrible Bosses with one's precious little mother, I decided something- I really, really like Kevin Spacey. I didn't really care for the movie. But one part in the movie that he acted, hit me as one of the funniest things I've ever seen. In that part, I was laughing so hard and was almost completely on top of my mom (which, oddly enough, didn't feel as obnoxious at the time as it sounds now)... until I noticed she was completely ignoring me and looking straight ahead at the screen and I was still laughing to myself... Just holding her. Haha Sweet victory!!! I embarrassed her!

I used to purposely trip and fall down, knock stuff over - just make a scene - in whatever public place she would take me while I was growing up to embarrass her (and who am I kidding- it's still somewhat of a goal whether I realize it or not). I would also talk extremely loud on awkward aisles- making up embarrassing lies about her, acting like they were something of a hot topic. I would wait until she was an aisle or two over from me and then say a little too loud things like, "Hey mom! Yeah, they DO have extra strength Depends. Hey, mom! No, they're over here." The look on her face was always worth it.

Awww. That does kinda make me feel bad.

Maxwell

It's my used-to-be favorite nephew, Maxwell. I'm not saying that he isn't my favorite nephew now, I'm just saying that he definitely used to be and now I'm just not supposed to say if he is or not.... My other nephew, Cayden (aka "Scamper") is pretty cool too.

But me and Max, we're buddies. :)

Elephant Man Hide and Seek

I can see the knots in my back. :/ Youch.

Last night, me and some budddddds had a pillow fight at A.C. Steere. I realized, last night, that I don't think I've ever actually had a pillow fight before. Me and my sisters would try, but we would get too violent, so it became off limits. So instead of getting in actual pillow fights, I made up a game that we called Elephant Man Hide and Seek. I'm not exactly sure why I called it that, but I thought it was awesome, as did my sister, Brooke, I think. Or at least she always would play it with me when I asked her to. It required one of us (whoever's turn it was to be the Elephant Man) putting our head inside a pillow case with the pillow inside it (to where the pillow was in front of our eyes so we couldn't see anything) and playing tag in a room full of furniture. It was a wonderful game. We would play in our room where we knew where all of the furniture was so we wouldn't actually run into anything. However, if the Elephant Man ran so fast that they fell and hit their head, say, on the corner of a dresser.... THERE'S A PILLOW IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE FOR CUSHION!!! AND it was kinda funny to watch your sister slam into a wall full force, while imagining her as the Elephant Man. Obviously, it was the perfect game. Anywho, I was going to try and find a picture of someone's head in a pillow the correct way, in case anyone wanted to play this wonderful peach of a game; but instead, all I found was a picture of a man that married his pillow, which I find to be equally as interesting.