Here are a few of my favorite things (and things I am thankful for):
1 - Texts from last night (not for the faint of heart). My evil love.
2 - My coworker's shared iTunes library. I don't know who he is, but I am very thankful for my nosiness and his willingness to oblige. He has inadvertendly introduced such great music as The Veils and DM Stith to me, and... I am forever grateful... I just wish he would start sharing his iTunes again. I miss knowing he's at his desk... ;)
3 - My dad coming over to bond and watch Pineapple Express with me tonight. Thank the Lord for real people.
4 - All things flickr when I am bored at work, as I am 40 hours a week. As I am 160 hours a month! Literally almost seven entire days out of the month, I am bored out of my mind... And if you're wondering why I just did the math for that, it is simply because I'm not only a genius, but am also bored out of my mind at this moment. THIS ONE AND THE NEXT 7.5 HOURS!!!
I'm borrowing an accordian from a friend. I cannot wait to see it. This is like a childhood dream of mine that's happening. It's exciting. :) Life is beautiful. And I love this picture by Karrah Kobus. She's a genius.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A Few of My Favorite Things (Work Version)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Baby Toups
People are so confusing. I like to think I'm a happy-go-lucky and generally fun person to have around. But I feel as if I overcompensate lately trying to be what I used to be, trying to get back to what I used to be. I don't want to be out of control of myself or seem as if I have changed or that my soul has been influenced by anyone else. I just want to be me naturally, before all that. I realized last night that lately, I've tried to fake myself into thinking I'm happy by hanging out with people often. I am never alone, which we tend to associate with loneliness. Therefore, I think to myself that if I am constantly surrounding myself with people that I love and that I always laughed with, I eventually will look up and realize that I am no longer lonely. And that I'm closer to myself and my friends than I have ever been. But the other side of me says, "Isn't it ok to be lonely? Isn't it ok to be real with yourself?" It's the struggle between trying to look perfect to myself and others and the general well being and growth of me. But I fear me being lonely. Not the fear of loneliness. But the fear of me.
The bottom line is, everyone (when pushed) will do more than they ever thought they would do. Human nature- it sucks sometimes. But I'm hanging on right now- a lot better than I have over the past few months. I'm not sure if I should mess with it. Or if now is the time for recovery and our ridiculous resolutions for "improvement" after a breakup. :) But it is a good thing, isn't it? Cliche, but only healthy.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!On another note, me and my friend Toups (who is my bud from Slidell- I love him to death) pulled an all-nighter writing a song. That night, there were multiple people at my house. About eight boys huddled in our small living room, subconsciously taking rotations for cigarette breaks so that everyone could have a seat or a bench or some form of table to sit on. One of the boys was wearing a beard strapped around his head, carefully and clumsily trying to sip his how-many-th? beer through the crack underneath the limp mustache, yelling at everyone to watch him. He was full to the brim and somehow he kept pouring. But the night was good. No one was annoyed although, looking back, I see there was a great deal of potential to be. The song idea started off with me joking that if some day Toups' wife were barren, I would birth their children for her. After this statement was made, I decided that I really did mean that statement. I'm not even sure if I want kids, but I would do that for Toups. We shook hands on it. Everyone laughed. The conversation shifted to probably Bob Dylan or how the Eagles really were a pretty good band. But I kept thinking about what I had just promised and what it meant. Me and Toups walked to the kitchen and he asked me a hypothetical situation- "If that actually happened- a girl became a surrogate mother for her friend's child- what if the wife died?.... How would the surrogate mother feel?" We literally discussed all the emotions that probably went through her head. She would feel sadness for her friend for losing his wife, sadness for the child in losing his mother. But what would she feel? After all, the only difference between her calling that baby her own or someone else's is that it was already fertilized at the time that it came into her body. I think she would still feel all the same feelings and emotions as a mother would towards this child, but these feelings would have been originally prefaced with her subconscious assurance that this baby is not mine. Think about birthing a baby and then having it taking away from you- someone else calling it theirs. It would be a very hard thing to do. But I'm sure that this mother would push back the feelings of attachment. She doesn't want to seem selfish. She wants to act as if it was just a favor that she did a few years ago for a friend. Not a big deal- we're still friends and now 'closer than ever'. :) But after this baby's real mom dies... you're the closest thing to a part of him. Would you feel a sense of responsibility to him? Would you (in the back of your mind, because we ARE girls) think that for some reason, you will end up with the father in the long run? Would you tell the child?..... And what would the child feel?....
We literally went in my room at midnight and wrote til seven o'clock the next morning. It is a duet between a guy (the son) and a girl (the surrogate mother). The son has his own melody, the girl has her own melody. And at the end they sing together. It starts at the birth scene with slow chords and a beautiful flowy melody for the boy. The girl's melody sounds like she misses something, but there's still joy:
The boy's part: "I scratched inside but you didn't feel like my mother. But the laugh that I hear, that song in my ear, it's another. A tunnel of white, my first of shared sights was my mothers. And as he held this boy, the doctor sounded coy when he asked in whose arms should I hide."
The girl's part: "Bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. You're somebody's own, but I still feel your beat in my chest. You're such a beautiful baby. But I won't look too long because you'll soon be gone from me."
Every time I hear it, I almost cry. We've played it for two people. One liked it, one thought it was cheesy. :/ But it's still a beautiful song that I am very excited about. It calls every maternal instinct you have into play. We picked every emotion that we think they would feel out and focused on picking the perfect line to describe it, the perfect word to describe it. It is the best lyrical writing that he and I have ever done. I usually hate collaborating, but this is one of the most beautiful, emotional, and special songs to me. And his voice is a mixture of Manchester Orchestra and Billie Holiday. It's ridiculously good. I can't wait to record it. :)
The bottom line is, everyone (when pushed) will do more than they ever thought they would do. Human nature- it sucks sometimes. But I'm hanging on right now- a lot better than I have over the past few months. I'm not sure if I should mess with it. Or if now is the time for recovery and our ridiculous resolutions for "improvement" after a breakup. :) But it is a good thing, isn't it? Cliche, but only healthy.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!On another note, me and my friend Toups (who is my bud from Slidell- I love him to death) pulled an all-nighter writing a song. That night, there were multiple people at my house. About eight boys huddled in our small living room, subconsciously taking rotations for cigarette breaks so that everyone could have a seat or a bench or some form of table to sit on. One of the boys was wearing a beard strapped around his head, carefully and clumsily trying to sip his how-many-th? beer through the crack underneath the limp mustache, yelling at everyone to watch him. He was full to the brim and somehow he kept pouring. But the night was good. No one was annoyed although, looking back, I see there was a great deal of potential to be. The song idea started off with me joking that if some day Toups' wife were barren, I would birth their children for her. After this statement was made, I decided that I really did mean that statement. I'm not even sure if I want kids, but I would do that for Toups. We shook hands on it. Everyone laughed. The conversation shifted to probably Bob Dylan or how the Eagles really were a pretty good band. But I kept thinking about what I had just promised and what it meant. Me and Toups walked to the kitchen and he asked me a hypothetical situation- "If that actually happened- a girl became a surrogate mother for her friend's child- what if the wife died?.... How would the surrogate mother feel?" We literally discussed all the emotions that probably went through her head. She would feel sadness for her friend for losing his wife, sadness for the child in losing his mother. But what would she feel? After all, the only difference between her calling that baby her own or someone else's is that it was already fertilized at the time that it came into her body. I think she would still feel all the same feelings and emotions as a mother would towards this child, but these feelings would have been originally prefaced with her subconscious assurance that this baby is not mine. Think about birthing a baby and then having it taking away from you- someone else calling it theirs. It would be a very hard thing to do. But I'm sure that this mother would push back the feelings of attachment. She doesn't want to seem selfish. She wants to act as if it was just a favor that she did a few years ago for a friend. Not a big deal- we're still friends and now 'closer than ever'. :) But after this baby's real mom dies... you're the closest thing to a part of him. Would you feel a sense of responsibility to him? Would you (in the back of your mind, because we ARE girls) think that for some reason, you will end up with the father in the long run? Would you tell the child?..... And what would the child feel?....
We literally went in my room at midnight and wrote til seven o'clock the next morning. It is a duet between a guy (the son) and a girl (the surrogate mother). The son has his own melody, the girl has her own melody. And at the end they sing together. It starts at the birth scene with slow chords and a beautiful flowy melody for the boy. The girl's melody sounds like she misses something, but there's still joy:
The boy's part: "I scratched inside but you didn't feel like my mother. But the laugh that I hear, that song in my ear, it's another. A tunnel of white, my first of shared sights was my mothers. And as he held this boy, the doctor sounded coy when he asked in whose arms should I hide."
The girl's part: "Bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. You're somebody's own, but I still feel your beat in my chest. You're such a beautiful baby. But I won't look too long because you'll soon be gone from me."
Every time I hear it, I almost cry. We've played it for two people. One liked it, one thought it was cheesy. :/ But it's still a beautiful song that I am very excited about. It calls every maternal instinct you have into play. We picked every emotion that we think they would feel out and focused on picking the perfect line to describe it, the perfect word to describe it. It is the best lyrical writing that he and I have ever done. I usually hate collaborating, but this is one of the most beautiful, emotional, and special songs to me. And his voice is a mixture of Manchester Orchestra and Billie Holiday. It's ridiculously good. I can't wait to record it. :)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monica Canilao
I watched a documentary called Paper Hearts last night for the second time. Such a sad movie, although very beautiful.
My wonderful roommate and friend, Danielle, showed me this artist last night. Her name is Monica Canilao. She makes paintings with fox heads and needlework, drawings with watercolor and charcoal, wood etchings, even hats and house decor. While she seems to choose a much more imaginative set of mind in her artwork, some of her art is extremely realistic, and yet still whispering her quirky sense of style. And she's Indian, which means she automatically gets 1000+ bonus points. I am absolutely in love with her stuff!
Here's a collection of some of her artwork, as well as some of her collaborations with a few other artists.
And here is the beautiful lady herself.
Friday, January 7, 2011
I admit... I HAVE been looking up pics of UFO's and nebulae lately. They're just so beautiful!
I mean, is this not the prettiest thing you've ever seen?!
I mean, is this not the prettiest thing you've ever seen?!
"What a picnic of a feeling. Our daughter's name is Meadow." - Dean Edward Roane*
Song for the day is Tom Waits' "Rain Dogs". Sorry for the pic upload overload unload.
*This is a quote from a local musican, as well as poet, artist and beloved friend, Dean Edward Roane. I tried to post the song; howEVER ol' blogger won't let me post amr's or mp3's. Blug. But he recently released his album "Hot Blue," which is a surprisingly honest and beautiful, heart-felt album. It seems as though Dylan is a big influence in his lyrical style, everything perfectly proportioned in a phrase- the woman "who is in love with the whiskey jug; she likes liquor better than me." I love it. It's been constanly playing on my iTunes.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Year's Attempts and Explanations
I don't really believe in New Years resolutions. I'm no politician. Why does everyone feel like if they make a promise to someone else, they'll actually keep it? Debbie Downerrrrr. I apologize.
Ok, so on to nEw YeArS AtTeMpTs AnD eXpLaNaTiOnS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1) Attempt - Quit smoking. Explanation - It's making me poor and destroying my voice. Put this on the scales, young man - homeless, cancer, and loss of music... or ...extra money, health, and gaining my voice back (hopefully). Well, that's a hefty little one. I think I'll choose Option B. Oh, also, smoking is not 'cute', it makes you stinky, and jacks up your skin. Ok.
2) Attempt - Start working out. Explanation - There's just really no reason to not look your best, be healthy, and feel more confident. That's all from Jane Fonda. Thanks for listening.
3) Attempt - Start working on music. Explanation - Because I can. I have time and desire now. Laziness is the only thing in the way.
Song for the day: Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 by Bob Dylan
I love you, Bob Dylan
Ok, so on to nEw YeArS AtTeMpTs AnD eXpLaNaTiOnS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1) Attempt - Quit smoking. Explanation - It's making me poor and destroying my voice. Put this on the scales, young man - homeless, cancer, and loss of music... or ...extra money, health, and gaining my voice back (hopefully). Well, that's a hefty little one. I think I'll choose Option B. Oh, also, smoking is not 'cute', it makes you stinky, and jacks up your skin. Ok.
2) Attempt - Start working out. Explanation - There's just really no reason to not look your best, be healthy, and feel more confident. That's all from Jane Fonda. Thanks for listening.
3) Attempt - Start working on music. Explanation - Because I can. I have time and desire now. Laziness is the only thing in the way.
Song for the day: Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 by Bob Dylan
I love you, Bob Dylan Friday, December 10, 2010
I take that back...
Angry again
Wanting someone to come back for us but hating them for leaving in the first place. We are the creepers that can't let go. Secretly hoping the other person will find out that we've been true and unyielding the whole time. But we don't want them back. We just want it to be like it once was. The whole "time heals all things" and "just move on" idea is bull shit. We're left forcing ourselves not to think. Really about anything... I'm left cold and alone. Still cold and alone. Heartless. I don't have a heart. Just a hole where one used to beat. And I don't know that I can ever get that back. I want to say love is worth it. But honestly, it's done nothing but hurt me.
Love that we practice. Pain that we make. Fuck it. Love is exasperating. I don't believe in it anymore. Noone can be happy with someone else for life. Why did we always feel like marriage was an assumed stepping stone that all humans reach upon adulthood? This is bogus. Why joke with yourself? You can trust noone but yourself, and sometimes not even that. Life isn't some prince/princess fairytale. It's Grapes of Wrath. It's music. It's God somewhere. It's living the moment to the fullest. Everything else is a risk. Why risk something that you have to depend on someone else for? Noone's perfect. I need nothing but a few close friends and some quiet time to myself. Why fall for something you will never know?
I think I am in a dark place. It feels different than normal. It scares me. And I don't know how to get out.
Wanting someone to come back for us but hating them for leaving in the first place. We are the creepers that can't let go. Secretly hoping the other person will find out that we've been true and unyielding the whole time. But we don't want them back. We just want it to be like it once was. The whole "time heals all things" and "just move on" idea is bull shit. We're left forcing ourselves not to think. Really about anything... I'm left cold and alone. Still cold and alone. Heartless. I don't have a heart. Just a hole where one used to beat. And I don't know that I can ever get that back. I want to say love is worth it. But honestly, it's done nothing but hurt me.
Love that we practice. Pain that we make. Fuck it. Love is exasperating. I don't believe in it anymore. Noone can be happy with someone else for life. Why did we always feel like marriage was an assumed stepping stone that all humans reach upon adulthood? This is bogus. Why joke with yourself? You can trust noone but yourself, and sometimes not even that. Life isn't some prince/princess fairytale. It's Grapes of Wrath. It's music. It's God somewhere. It's living the moment to the fullest. Everything else is a risk. Why risk something that you have to depend on someone else for? Noone's perfect. I need nothing but a few close friends and some quiet time to myself. Why fall for something you will never know?
I think I am in a dark place. It feels different than normal. It scares me. And I don't know how to get out.
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