Single Mama Starts a Business

I started my L.L.C. today.  I started my own business.  My own invitation and graphic design company.  I have completed one Save the Date suite and have two more invitation suites on the books.  I have a website in the works with my art listed.  I'm doing the damn thing.

And then I have doubts.  I painted something for my band's show flier and I keep looking at it and thinking that maybe people feel sorry for me.  Like maybe people are thinking, "She's not very good."  Or "Did Chelsea do that?" in a bad way.  Or "I wonder how long it will take her to realize she sucks.  I feel sorry for her."  I wonder if people will not come to band's show because they don't want to support something associated with my failed art.  I realize that I am overthinking all of this.

But when it comes down to it, I've never really had anyone tell me they like my art.  I am not confident.  I don't know what I'm doing most of the time.  And there isn't really anyone saying, "If you don't pursue your art, you're crazy!"  In fact, it would be much more comfortable and convenient for me to keep working my day job that I hate and making stable income.

But I also have these daydreams of making art that appeals to me.  And maybe it appeals to other people.  And maybe it encourages other people.  And maybe even I can become a successful single mother based on my ideas and my jumping into the unknown business world with courage, drive, vulnerability, and guts.  And maybe I can learn some things along the way and provide a stable life for myself and my daughter by doing something that I never even considered myself worthy of doing.  Maybe she will see her mom as an artist and a creative.

I want to paint abstract paintings.  I want to paint detailed oil portraits. 

I want to get better.  I want to do exactly what I want, and be the stronger for it.