In Control

I am feeling so withdrawn lately, so spent.  I want a day of rest.  I want an hour to lay down and look upwards and zone out without having to set an alarm clock or count down for how much time I actually have to try to not think about things.

I am tired of "being there" for people whenever they need me for however long they want to stay.

I am tired of giving hugs when I don't want to give hugs, and having to physically put myself into the arms of a person I may or most often may not want to feel a physical connection with.  It is nauseating.

I am tired of trying to keep up appearances or say the right thing.

I am tired of feeling guilt when I say the wrong thing or something that sounds bad.

I am tired of having to apologize to even my friends for taking time to myself.

I can't be there for you anymore.

Must be here for me.

Must take time for me.

Must make time to breathe for me.

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Take a bath.

Breathe.

Enter your quiet realm.

These nervous and anxious feelings have no hold of me. 

They are just feelings.

I cannot control my feelings, but I can control how I respond to them, and what feelings I allow to not overwhelm me.

Shhhhhhh.

I am in control.