Some people have times at which they are awkward, like at the party where they only know a few people. In these situations, uncomfortable feelings seem to be felt towards the strangers in the room. While most people fall under this category of nervousness in unusual situations, some people are never awkward; their view exudes contented happiness in where they are in life, with no front to put on and no people to impress. Their view exudes a belief in life existing in its basest form- just being. However, I find that I don't fall under either of these categories. I am awkward in almost all situations. It doesn't matter if the people I am with are friends or strangers, if the place I am at is familiar or unfamiliar- I act as if people are watching me and as if I am uncomfortable. I make faces that exaggerate my feelings of nervousness. My body language is always very stiff, even when I feel only a slight sense of awkwardness. I find that this causes humor, a sense of light-heartedness and less tension. But at this time in my life, I would love to look as if I'm not awkward. However, I can't; this discomfited stature I present has become my default behavior under all situations. I'm comfortable with my awkwardness.
But then, is it really awkward? I'm comfortable with what most people would find uncomfortable, because I act in the seemingly uncomfortable way for most of my day. Therefore it is comfortable. Am I awkward at all then? Or is my awkwarness just a characteristic of my personality that I'm quite contented and at ease in? I've spent time wishing I could be the person that never acts uncomfortable and is always relaxed. But now, I see that maybe I have it better- my ill at ease and uncomfortable state is never out of place because it is the only thing I know. It is what I've grown to love. So I do not wish for a change of heart or a change in personality; I will simply embrace the fact that I'm just a bit odd.... and I like it that way. : )
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